What Do You Want From Me?
by HandsOnDisformedLambs
Summary: Collab: What happens when two high school sweethearts see each other after ten years of separation? Has so much changed that their love won't be able to grow anymore? Or will it die?...ADOMMY/LAMBLIFF
1. Chapter 1

Alright! This is a new story that I'm writing with my milk, zombie, glitter bitch, MissxGlitter. I love her so much. She is part of my glamily. :) Anyway, here's a story. I have odd chapters, she has even!

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Adam snuck up behind Tommy and grabbed his waist, making the smaller man jump and gasp. The redhead chuckled and kissed the blonds' neck; holding him close to his chest. The blond fit perfectly there. It was like they were two puzzle pieces that were made specifically to fit one another and never be taken apart.

"Shit, Adam! You scared the fuck out of me!" Tommy exclaimed, smiling and reaching his hand back and running his fingers through his boyfriend's hair.

"I love scaring you, my darling. You're so cute…" Adam mused back, kissing Tommy's cheek, not giving a shit about all the weird looks and whispers of the students that passed them. They weren't very accepting of their 'lifestyle' and thought it was immoral, but whatever. That didn't matter at all. This couple was the top of their game at this point.

This is Tommy Joe Ratliff and Adam Mitchel Lambert. They've been boyfriends since they started high school, and now they're in the 12th grade, and couldn't be happier with each other. Sure, they weren't the most popular couple (and most certainly wouldn't win Prom king and queen), but they could care less about the opinions of their ignorant classmates and peers because they had each other and that was good enough for them. And to be honest, and trying not to sound cliché, this wasn't just a petty little relationship that would end after six months, it was true love. How many gay males find their soul mate in high school? Not many.

Tommy rolled his eyes and kissed Adam's cheek, leaning into his chest and sipping his vanilla milkshake. "You're such a loser, ginger…" Tommy said, glancing up at the Adam that had a few freckles gracing his nose and bright red hair. The redhead growled, biting his bottom lip as to not insult his boyfriend. He hated being called ginger so much, and Adam wasn't one for violence, but if anyone other then Tommy were to call him that, he would sucker punch a sorry bastard. So he just shrugged and leaned over, taking the straw within his mouth and sucking on it. The sweet taste of sugar dripped down his throat.

"Whatever, elf boy. Now where do you want to go for lunch?" Adam asked, smirking as he heard Tommy sigh angrily. Well, whatever, payback's a bitch. And besides, he was Adam's little elf. It was utterly stunning.

"I wanna go to…That sandwich place. You know that one with the vegan burger you like so much," Tommy smiled and took Adam's hand within his own and began walking to the said diner. He threw the empty cup in a trash can and leaned his head on his taller boyfriend's shoulder. They didn't talk; they didn't need too. That was the great thing about their relationship. They didn't need to talk in order to communicate. It was amazing the way they read each other's eyes.

Sure, they were polar opposites:

Adam was a straight A student who participated in theater and after school activities. His parents were proud and accepting of who he was with Tommy. And Adam was a happy teenager, loving every minute of his life (except for the occasionally and random jock that would pester him about being a faggot), and loved Tommy to the fullest.

Tommy on the other hand was a rebel; achieving straight C's and hated everything about school and what it had to offer. His parents hated him for being gay and shunned him for all he was worth, but they never kicked him out. It was just extremely awkward. He didn't speak unless spoken too, and they didn't talk to him. Normally he would just stay in his room-which was completely alright for him. He would just text Adam all the time.

But this is why they loved each other so much. They balanced each other out which was perfect. But Tommy was about to tell Adam something that would make their perfect relationship shatter before their very eyes.

Adam sat down at a booth and ordered his vegan burger. Tommy ordered the taco salad and stared at his chipped black nails, fiddling with his fingers. He was gnawing on his bottom lip when Adam glanced at his distressed boyfriend, laying a hand on his back.

"Boo, what's wrong?" the redhead asked, hating to see his boyfriend in an uncomfortable position. If anything was out of order, he would want to know and try to make his baby feel better. That was at the top of his to-do list.

"N-Nothing…Just Adam, I have to tell you something…" he whispered, looking away.

Adam froze, thinking the worst. Tommy was going to break up with him. He knew it. Tommy was just too good for him and he wanted to break up. He knew that if the blond didn't love him anymore, Adam wouldn't be able to survive. Oh, shit-

"I'm moving to Florida…My parents think it'll be best if I move away from you. They're hoping my grades will rise and maybe, by some impossible miracle, I'll turn straight. I'm so sorry, baby," Tommy said, tears rising to his eyes, but he blinked them away, not wanting to seem weak. Adam on the other hand pulled Tommy out of his seat and into his lap, burying his head into Tommy's hair.

"Baby, I'm so sorry, I…" He was at a loss for words. His baby, soul mate, sweetheart, was going to be taken away from him. The very thought ripped his heart to shreds.

"No, don't apologize…" Tommy murmured, taking Adam's face within his hand and looking at him hard. "I don't know when we'll see each other again, but baby, we'll meet up, I promise…" he mused, smiling.

He just hoped his promise wouldn't be broken.


	2. Chapter 2

"NEXT!" Adam barked from behind a small table, annoyance and frustration in his voice. "Can no one play a fucking instrument these days?"

This is Adam Lambert, the once ginger headed geek from high school, remember him? Now he is the music icon of the year. Runner up from American Idol season 8. And now here he is, in L.A. California, auditioning musicians for his upcoming Nationwide Tour promoting his first album, For Your Entertainment. My, how ones life can change in the short span of 10 years...

Adam and his musical director, Monte Pittman, are doing auditions for a drummer, a keyboardist, and a bassist for their rock band. Monte is taking the place of the guitarist, since he already is a pro at playing and has been playing for years; plus, he and Adam have been friends for the past 6 years. And they have already found a good drummer, and an amazing keyboardist, they are now in search of a damn good bassist. But none of the little kids that have tried out can play for shit and it's pushing Adam to his breaking point.

"I said NEXT! Shit..." Adam closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose, attempting to relieve the now forming migraine. He scribbled something down on a notebook and remained staring down.

He heard the door of the studio open and without even looking up, he continued with his usual rant before each victim performing their worthless act. Yeah, he can be a dick when he gets annoyed. Comes with the life of being a rock star.

"What do you play?" Boredom, and I-Could-Care-Less apparent in his voice.

"Uuh...the bass…"

Adams heart stopped. His breath lodged in his throat. Lips parted from the gasp that just escaped. That voice...that slightly feminine yet little boy voice...the voice of his long lost high school sweetheart...

The voice of Tommy Joe Ratliff.

After what seemed like an eternity, Adam looked up from his notebook...eyes dead...heart failing to beat...hands shaking...and before him is the love of his life. The only man he's ever loved. He whispered to Monte asking to give him a minute. He gave Adam a quizzical look but obeyed his boss's orders.

"Hey, ginger..." Tommy squeaks. He stood awkwardly in the middle of the room, his cherry red bass hanging limply across his body, his hands folded quaintly in front of him. He hasn't changed much at all.

"Tommy..." was all Adam could muster. He was in pure shock. No other word could describe it.

He stood up from the table, and slowly made his way to where the blonde was standing. He walked as though if he made any sudden movements, Tommy was going to evaporate right before his eyes. "Is it really you..?"

Tommy giggled, (yes he giggles dammit), and looked down at his body as though he was checking himself for something. "Haha, I'm pretty sure it's me."

Adam couldn't wait anymore, he ran over to his baby and glomped him with kisses and a huge hug that knocked the wind out of him. He squeezed him-wrapping his hand around the blondes head-afraid to let him go, that if he did he may lose him all over again. And he won't allow that. His heart couldn't take it.

Tommy returned the hug graciously, tears leaking from his light brown eyes, tears of joy. Tears full of love. "God, I missed you...I missed you so fucking much!"

"I missed you too, Tommy! Oh my God...what are you doing here?" Adam asked, finally releasing the older man from his grasp while wiping the tears that broke free.

"Well I was in Florida, and I was at this cafe and saw a flier on the wall for auditions for band members for Adam Lambert's GlamNation Tour. At first I thought it was someone else that just happened to have your name, but I looked at the picture of the guy on the poster and it didn't look anything like you. Black choppy hair, gauges, eye makeup, but then I saw those eyes...your eyes. And I knew it was you; I knew I had to go. I didn't care if the auditions were across the country; I had to see you again. I couldn't break my promise." Tommy explained, his voice starting to crack. God, how he missed his ginger. But now he had found a new nickname for him, a new name to signify their new life together.

"Its been 10 years...we stopped talking 8 years ago...I haven't heard from you for 8 years, Tommy...I thought you moved on and forgot about me..." the sadness in Adam's voice broke Tommy's heart.

But he will put the joy and life back in his baby's voice. He will never leave his side. Ever again. Nothing or no one will ever separate them for as long as he had a say in it.


	3. Chapter 3

It was pretty obvious that Adam hired Tommy as his bassist. Not only because he was his life long love, but because he was a kick ass bassist, and amazing at it. When Tommy began to play, the singer was completely intrigued in the tone. He couldn't wait to get Tommy alone (not only for hot-I haven't seen you in forever- sex), so he could sing and hear Tommy. It would be amazing. So, now Adam's band was formed and he had his boyfriend back…Or ex-boyfriend. He wasn't really sure. They've been separated for ten years…In that amount of time, could Tommy have not wanted him anymore? No, that's ridiculous. I mean, he auditioned and did all this just to see the singer, so…That had to mean something right?

"Well, Adam, you have your band formed. Good job, buddy!" Monte said, grinning and patting Adam on the back. "Just in time too, the AMA's are coming around and you get to do the closing act!" Monte said happily. Adam had known about the AMA's for about two weeks now, and he was pretty shocked that they chose him to do this. However, he wasn't going to complain. He just wanted to shock the audience is all.

Adam blushed and glanced at Tommy who looked wide-eyed and his mouth was open. Fuck yea, the blond was surprised that his once loser (not to him), sweet, and nobody high school sweetheart was going to be closing the god damn AMA's! He never thought that his lover's life would turn out this way. But he was as happy as shit that he was able to be a part of it. Good thing for Tommy he decided to go into that café…

"Baby! That's great!" Tommy exclaimed, jumping on Adam's back and giving him a big hug. The singer blushed even more, but smiled wider, grabbing the back of Tommy's knees and holding him up in a piggy back ride position. The brunet still remembered giving Tommy's piggy back rides when they were younger, and the blond absolutely loved them so much. And Adam was more then happy to give them to him. Monte just looked at them like they were insane.

"Love at first sight?" he asked, raising an eyebrow. The blond just looked at the guitarist from over Adam's head and glared a bit. Yes, Tommy was a jealous motherfucker. In fact, he once beat up a girl for looking and flirting with Adam. It led into two months suspension, but that bitch was running her fingers down Adam's chest! WHAT THE HELL? Adam was flattered that Tommy loved him that much, but the singer wasn't one for violence…However, Tommy was a violent little motherfucker.

"No. Sorry, Tommy, this is my best friend Monte, Monte, this is Tommy, my…uh…"

"His _boyfriend_," Tommy hissed, glaring at Monte. Best friend huh? Then his eyes landed on the golden wedding band around Monte's hand and he let out a sigh of relief. Alright, so this guy isn't gonna hit on Adam, good. No ass kicking tonight.

Adam let out a little sigh, but smiled. So they were boyfriends, even after this long period of time. He was so happy, he could just…But then Adam had his daily urge and he twitched a bit, panting. He gently put Tommy down with a smile and glanced at Monte.

"Hey, where's my bag?" he asked, getting a bit jittery. Oh, yes. It was that time of day. Actually, every minute was that time of day, but Adam was long overdue right now.

"It's on your chair. What's up?" he asked, eyeing Adam wearily. Tommy frowned from being separated from the warmth of his boyfriend. Normally, Adam would never let Tommy go. What was so important that he would drop his boyfriend for?

"Nothing. I just really need to go to the bathroom. I haven't taken a piss all day…" Adam smiled and cupped Tommy's face in his hand and licked his cheek before quickly grabbing his bag and fast-walking to the bathroom. He locked it off to everyone else and threw his bag on the counter, unzipping it and taking out his needle.

"Shit, Adam…You said you would stop…" he said to himself, licking his lips as he tied a band tightly on the top of his arm and he flicked the tip of the needle, sloshing the drug together. "Just one more time…" he mused, stabbing the needle deep in his arm and groaning. He pressed down, feeling the liquid scorch into his arm and rush through his pumping veins. He gasped, leaving it in; then he smirked and pulled the needle out, gently placing it in his bag and glancing at the knife. "No cutting right now Adam…Tonight…" he spoke to himself, untying the band and tossing it in his bag as well. He licked his lips, zipping his leather messenger bag back up and draping it over his shoulder. He wiped off the bit of blood on his forearm and made sure to make his sleeve go all the way down so Tommy wouldn't be able to see his recent cutting scars or the holes penetrating his skin. He sighed and unlocked the door, walking out and smiling as he got to Tommy, spanking him on the ass. Monte had already left and the blond waited for his boyfriend to come out of the bathroom.

Adam smiled when Tommy took his hand, and he hoped that his dirty little secret would remain undisclosed to his lover.


	4. Chapter 4

Adam and Tommy left the rehearsal studio and Tommy had told Adam how he flew out to LA in spur of the moment; strictly for the audition and had nothing planned for shelter or means of transportation. Adam told him that he would be more than welcome to stay with him at his apartment and that he wouldn't need to worry about transportation because he could use Adams limo (yes, he had his own limo. Because he's Adam fucking Lambert and is beast like that).

"Wow...It's unbelievable how gracious life has been to you this last decade." Tommy stated, taking a seat next to Adam in the back of the awaiting limo out front. "I didn't even know you could sing. Now, I feel like a terrible boyfriend...I'm sorry, babe...four years together and I had no-" Tommy's voice, a barely audible whisper, was interrupted by the lips of his past lover. Lips like candy...hmmm...literally, they tasted of cherry lip gloss and coffee.

"No one knew" was all Adam said, replacing his lips with his index finger. Tommy slumped down into his seat and gave Adam a little smile to show he understood. "Hmm, you had...tequila? Really?" Adam asks licking his lips, the faint taste of the pungent alcohol on his taste buds.

Tommy nodded, slightly embarrassed..."I was nervous, and I needed something to calm my nerves…" he glanced up into the sky blue eyes before him, humor dancing within them. "What?"

Adam chuckles, "Why so nervous? You have always been an amazing bass player."

The look Tommy gave him caused Adam to burst out laughing. Oh how Tommy missed that sound...his laugh could turn his darkest days into days full of love and sunshine and roses (oh shut up!).

"I'm just kidding, baby. But really though, why were you so nervous? What, did you think I wasn't gonna remember who you were, or something?"

"I don't know...maybe...or you would get mad at me and tell me that you moved on and never wanted to see me again…" Tommy sounded and looked like a helpless child. Hands folded in his lap, subconsciously chipping away at the black on his nails, nibbling on his bottom lip. Adam desperately wanted to kiss those lips.

Adam gently took Tommy by his chin and lifted it up to look at him in the eyes. "Not a day went by that I didn't think of you. Not a night went by that I didn't dream of you...of us...so many times I wanted to pick up the phone and call you but couldn't..." Adams ocean blue eyes quivered from tears threatening to fall. His voice was like silk.

Tommy laid his hand gently on the cheek of the brunette beside him, "I wanted to call you and give you my new number, and I did. But when my parents moved us all to Florida my only means of communication with you was email but then when my dad found out I was talking to you he closed my account and took away my computer. They were dammed and determined to keep us from each other. And at the time there was nothing I could do about it."

Every word Tommy spoke was from his heart...he did all he could to keep in touch with his boyfriend but his parents did all they could to keep them apart. But he promised Adam that they would meet again, and the moment he saw his boyfriend on the wall of the cafe he knew he had to keep his promise. No way could he keep himself away from the love of his life any longer.

"After you stopped replying to my emails I kind of got the impression you found someone better...someone there, where I couldn't be...but then when I heard your voice in the rehearsal room today I felt all these dormant emotions resurface again...I never thought I'd see you again..." Adam lowered his head as several tears hit his knee.

Tommy straddled his boyfriend and cradled his head on his shoulder, letting him cry...he held him the rest of the ride to Adam's apartment. Eventually Adams breathing leveled out and his tears ceased from falling any longer.

Once the driver stopped the limo, Tommy got off of Adam and exited the car. He walked over to Adams side, opened his door, and took his hand. Such a polite young man. Adam took Tommy's outstretched hand and allowed him to lead him to the front door.

Once the two men are inside the apartment, it's almost like someone flicked a switch. Before Adam could barely shut the door, Tommy's mouth was ravaging the singer's lips. A moan escaped Adams' lips as Tommy's hands circled up his back to his head, fingers tugging on the jet black strands there. Tommy ran his tongue along Adams lips', begging for entrance. Adam gladly opened his lips to allow his boyfriend's tongue to duel with his for dominance but Adam's tongue won the match.

Tommy broke the kiss only for air and brought his lover over to the couch in the middle of the living room. Smirking, he shoved Adam onto the couch and straddled his hips, kissing the sensitized flesh of his neck. Adam threw his head back giving Tommy better access. God, how he missed the feel of his lovers' warm skillful lips against his flesh which was a sensation he thought he'd never feel again.

Adams' senses were on overload, it had been months since his last sexual encounter and the last one he had been trashed. Drunk, stoned sex was not a feeling he preferred to recollect. So to have the touch of the only man he'd ever loved was beyond euphoria for him. He could barely handle it.

Lost in his drunken pleasure, Adam didn't feel Tommy remove his black Armani shirt so he could not protest when he felt the bassist's lips against his throbbing chest or when his hands took hold of his wrists and hold them aside. He wished he had stopped Tommy now...

"What the fuck, Adam…?" Tommy rasped through his heavy breathing. Adam attempted to snatch his wrists away in shame, hoping that if he succeeded in this Tommy would forget what he just discovered.

Adam didn't respond...only turned his head away from the burning eyes of the blonde sitting on his lap. A lump caught in his throat, Adam tried to keep the tears at bay, but to no avail. The salt water leaked from the corners of his lined eyes, leaving a trail of black down his cheek.

"What are these, Adam? Answer me!" Tommy raised his voice at his boyfriend, shaking and squeezing his wrists.

Fresh bloody gashes lined his pale underarms; countless purple and red scars decorated his slender wrists. None of which are going the same way. Some long and thick, some short but deep. The sight sickened Tommy. He then felt his stomach do summersaults when he saw the hundreds of tiny purple holes by his elbow and along his forearm. So his boyfriend was now a depressed junkie...He had to swallow to keep his small lunch down. Tears began streaming from his brown eyes. This time, tears of pain...betrayal...but most of all...tears of fear. Fear of losing the love of his life.

"T-Tommy...I-I'm sorry..." Adam rasped...choking back more tears. He never wanted Tommy to see his dirty little secret, but he should have known better. Tommy was smarter than that, he would have found out eventually...he just hoped it wouldn't be this soon. It was the first time they had seen each other after a decade of being separated from one another and now what should have been a very intimate reunification has turned into a painful intervention. 'Fuck my life...' thought the brunette.

"You need to stop. Now." Tommy demanded. It wasn't a suggestion. He wasn't giving Adam a choice. He was giving him orders that he had to follow.

"Its not that easy, baby..." whispered the singer...tears still streaming down his face. His once glamorous makeup was now smeared and streaking down his face.

"Its going to be that easy or I'm out of here." Tommy stated, standing up from Adam's lap, with Adam's shocked expression following his every move.

"W-what do y-you mean...?" Adam replied with fright in his voice. Did Tommy just threaten him? No...He couldn't have. He just got here.

"If you don't stop this...this SHIT...then I'm moving back to Florida. Fuck the band. I'm not having a junkie cutter for a boyfriend. You're better than this trash and you know it, babyboy." Tommy's voice sounded like needles piercing through Adams already aching heart. Babyboy? He's never called him that before...he practically whined it...Adam wasn't a baby...but he sure was acting like one at this moment...

"Tommy, let me explain…" Adam begged, standing up from his couch. Feeling lightheaded from crying and arising too quickly, he had to grasp the arm of the couch to prevent him from falling over.

"I don't want to hear it. Not now. I can't even look at you right at this moment!" Disgust was in the bassist once tender and gentle voice. Before Adam could protest, Tommy was storming out of the small apartment. Leaving Adam by the couch...shirtless and awe stricken.

Tommy just walked out on him. He couldn't believe it...his whole world slipped from his ring-clad fingers almost as quickly as it arrived...

"FUCK!"

Adam fell to the floor, clutching his heart and pounding the floor in pain and frustration. Tears like rivers down his face.

He knew what he had to do.


	5. Chapter 5

Adam sniffled, feeling his heart shatter and break slowly into millions of pieces. He didn't know what he was supposed to do. All he knew was that he couldn't handle these emotions on his own. He knew that without the help of _some _kind of substance to numb his system, he would be virtually incapable to keep himself alive. Sure, Adam had attempted to commit suicide before (he was pretty messed up, even if no one saw it), but he never actually succeeded, which sucked ass.

But what if he didn't want to keep himself alive? What if he wanted to die? Tommy obviously didn't love him as much as he had thought. Because if indeed, the blond loved Adam, he wouldn't be _mad _at him, he would be concerned or something of that nature. A true lover wouldn't walk out on their boyfriend in their times of need. He would stay and comfort Adam, tell him everything is going to be alright. Hold him in his arms and kiss him. Adam would love nothing more then to kiss this blond and release all his sorrows on his tiny shoulders, knowing that he had support he desired so long to have. But no…Tommy just walked out on him in disgust, and that kind of pissed Adam off. Alright, understatement of the year, that REALLY screwed with the brunet's mind. He _needed _to get a grip, to feel in control.

While practically chewing off his bottom lip, Adam got up and walked to his bathroom, opening up the cabinet where he kept all his heroine needles and shots. He grabbed a fresh, full needle and took off the case. He did his usual thing; tying the band around his arm tightly, flicking the needle, everything to get set up. But when he pressed the tip of the sharp object against the inner part of his elbow he looked at himself in the mirror and whimpered. Who the fuck was he? Didn't he love Tommy? He did…He did love Tommy. And if in fact he loved the bassist as much as he claimed, then he would stop this addiction and find him, tell him how sorry he was.

But why the fuck would he do that? Why would _he _be the one to apologize? It's not his fucking fault that Tommy didn't try harder to communicate with him. Oh no, his daddy took away his email- its called snail mail jackass. And plus, he could have totally gone to a payphone to call Adam. There were so many other options to communicate with the brunet. And it's because of the long distance relationship that Adam ended up this way. So, he guessed Tommy didn't love him nearly as much as he claimed, that little bastard. And to think that Adam got addicted to drugs and cut himself on a frequent basis for that sorry little son of a bitch.

And without another thought, Adam pressed the needle deep into his skin and pressed down, feeling the liquid flood over his body. He groaned, licking his chapped and pale lips. He knew that he shouldn't shoot up more then once a day. Hell, doing it seven times a week is terrible on his body, but right now, he needed to feel numb. And hell, if it kills him, it kills him. What does he have to live for anymore? Tommy doesn't love him nearly as much as he first thought, and his life was complete shit. So what he was a rock star with an endless supply of money, and an upcoming tour? What was the point of all that if he didn't even have the person he loved?

He groaned again, ripping out the needle and feeling the blood run down his arm. Ya know what? Screw it. He's not gonna stop the bleeding. Let's just bleed all over the god damn motherfucking place. No, but he wasn't satisfied with the pain. He needed something more. Something that would send him over the edge. Adam smirked as he walked into the kitchen and reached up on top of his fridge and pulled out a box of cigarettes. He doesn't remember the last time he had these babies. He had to quit because of his voice, but if he kills himself, he doesn't have to worry about damaging his vocals anymore, does he? Oh, no…But they felt so smooth running down his throat. Right now seemed like the perfect time to take advantage of their soothing power.

Adam pulled out a light and lit it, sucking in the sweet nectar of tar as he walked over to his coat rack and threw on his leather black trench coat. He took the cigarette out of his mouth and exhaled, walking out of his apartment and running down to his own red Mustang where he stuck the keys in the ignition and turned it on, screeching out of the parking lot. No limo, he needed to feel in control, to feel wild and free. He took another whiff of the heated object before burning the bud of it into his scarred wrists and whimpering, loving the heat and electrical shock that coursed through his body. He twisted it in further into his flesh before flicking it out of the open window. It became blistered and leaked out blood, but he didn't give a shit.

He gasped and turned to the left into the nearest bar and in a flash he was inside, ordering drink after drink, after drink; until his entire system was numb, and his body was doing things it shouldn't be doing…Rubbing his hands up and down some guy's chest, flirting, kissing…What was happening? Why was he so light headed? His wrist hurt like a bitch too…And he felt blood dripping down his arm, but he didn't know why. The alcohol had taken the toll on his body, and he didn't even know what was happening. The drinks kept coming and he kept drinking, his arm throbbing in pain. And this pretty blond boy next to him, tempting to bring him home and fuck him wild. He didn't want to…This blond boy wasn't his blond boy. He wanted Tommy…

But the next thing he knew, he was on top of said pretty blond haired boy, and he was ripping his shirt open on his couch. It felt wrong, so wrong, knowing that just a couple hours ago; he was on this very couch making out with his true love. Now he had some drunken whore as placement, and it didn't feel right. In the back of his mind, he knew this was going to come back to bite him in the ass, but the heroine and the beers were talking for him now, and they said that he needed to screw this guys HARD. But he didn't want too, the terrible substances in his body wanted to screw this boy. Why? Why is Adam so messed up? He used to be such a good boy and now, he's turned into a drug addicted bastard…

He groaned and leaned down, sucking the male's nipple and biting at it with his teeth. His head was pounding, and he felt like he was just gonna pass out from the pain and heartache. He was becoming light headed, but then didn't stop him from unbuckling his belt and glaring at his victim. He just needed to fuck this guy up…

But his head snapped up when he saw his apartment door open and small Tommy standing there with wide eyes…


	6. Chapter 6

Adam was frozen, his body locked on top of the blonde boy beneath him. The boy looked around confused, still drunk from the club; he could only lull his head back onto the arm of the couch looking quite pathetic.

Tommy didn't say anything...no tears were shed...just cold dead eyes piercing straight through Adam's tortured soul. He was unable to move or even breathe.

"What are you doing here?" _'You idiot, he missed you and here you are about to fuck some whore' _Adam mentally dictated himself. He know that what he was about to was wrong, but he couldn't bring himself to care at the moment.

"I...I...don't know...I'm clearly not welcome here anymore..." with each word, another bullet was shot straight through Adams shattered heart. He could see the death in Tommy's eyes and to be honest, it scared him. It did so enough to snap him out of his drunken state and gave him the ability to remove himself from the couch. The boy just slumped off the couch with a thud. How pathetic... Gabbing like the drunken idiot he was, he grabbed his shirt and exited the apartment, Shooting the petrified Tommy a smirk before walking out the door. That boy had some nerve!

Tommy let out a shaky sigh, setting down the small bag he was carrying. It looked as though it came from a gift shop or some small boutique. He slowly closed the door. Leaving his shaky hand on the handle, Tommy refused to look at the eyes of the cheating man now standing in the middle of the living room before him. He couldn't bear to make eye contact with the man that just cheated on him with some drunken floozy on the same couch him and Adam had almost made love on not three hours ago.

"I'm going home. You're not who I remember. You're not the Adam Lambert I fell in love with in high school. You're some emo drunken junkie." Oh how Tommy hated labels...but no other words could describe the singer at this point. "Sex, drugs, and Rock and Roll, huh? Guess it comes in some sort of bubble deal. You get one, you get all of them." It destroyed him to speak those words to the love of his life. None of which he meant. He knew he didn't mean what he said. Oh how he wanted to take Adam into his arms, hold him, and kiss him, telling him that it's alright. That he had forgiven him and they could overcome this. But something inside Tommy restrained him from doing so. Resulting in the death of what could have been.

Adam slowly made his way over to his boyfriend...or ex-boyfriend now, he assumed. The pain that was in Tommy's voice could have brought the strongest man down to his knees from an aching heart. Words like poison no less.

The reality of what Adam had just done began to kick him in the balls as the high from the heroine and the beers from the club began to wear off. Fuck, he really fucked things up now...no way was Tommy going to want to stay. Let alone forgive him. No point in apologizing. It wouldn't make a difference. Adam had come to terms with the fact that he ruined any future he had with his former high school sweetheart. '_Wow, Adam. Fucked your whole future up in less than 24 hours...that must be a new world record'_ bantered his little mental demon. The bastard was getting on Adams nerves. Mostly because he knew he was right...

"I won't stop you." Adam bluntly said with all the alcohol free from his speech. _'Stop him! Beg him to forgive you. Don't let him walk out of your life again!' _battled that blasted demon again. He really needs to make up his damn mind.

"Very well then...if this is how it's gonna be...I'm sorry I ever came out here. I'm sorry I tattered your Rock Star lifestyle. I'm sorry I ever saw your battle scars."

Battle scars? Adam never thought of them that way. And now that he did, it made sense. He began cutting and shooting up to deviate himself away from the battle of getting over the fact that Tommy was no longer apart of his life and that he had to move on with his life if he ever wanted to amount to anything. A battle he never won. A battle he was still fighting. A battle that he was currently losing.

"Goodbye, Adam..." Tommy opened the door, leaving the forgotten bag on the floor, and walked out of Adams life for the second time.

Adam couldn't move. Couldn't speak. Couldn't breathe. Did he just let Tommy walk out on him again? Without even stopping him? Without even trying to mend things together? Wow, he really was a failure at life. "No amount of money, fame, or sex you have in your life, it doesn't mean shit unless it's connected with love." (Yes, I quoted Adam...it fit perfectly).

What was he to do now? He had no boyfriend, no bassist for the band-who gives a fuck about the band? His life was meaningless with his Tommy. He had no reason to continue walking this earth without the love of his life beside him. Might as well end it now. What good is he to anyone?

Adam stumbled his way to his bathroom. He started rummaging through the cabinet beneath the sink, in search of his little box of goodies. Ah...the pot of gold. The treasure chest. The box in which Adam vicariously found his sanity.

Adam set the box down next to the sink, and griped the edge. Knuckles white, fingers clenching and unclenching. Bloody decorated wrists trembling. He looked at himself in the mirror. His reflection was laughing at him. He looked pathetic. Useless. Good for nothing. Pure, utter trash. He really would be better of dead...at least he would be doing the world a favor by ridding such a disturbing presence.


	7. Chapter 7

He couldn't believe what he was hearing. How could Adam let his off so easily? Not even going to say he was sorry for cheating on him? After all he went through? Tommy couldn't believe a word of it. This wasn't his baby. His baby would never want to lose him, but this man…This imposter living inside his lover's body would just allow him to leave. He couldn't believe it. So he said his farewells, leaving Adam's present which he had gotten his boyfriend on the counter and stormed out the door.

Tommy bit his bottom lip as he ran down the stairs of Adam's complex and into his black convertible. H-Holy shit. He didn't even know what to think anymore. A-Adam was up there about to screw some guy. How the fuck could all this drama happen in the matter of less then 24 hours? He didn't even know. Who was this Adam Lambert? This Adam with black hair and excessive amounts of make-up? Who the fuck was it? It wasn't his high school sweetheart…Or was it? Could it be that Adam has been holding onto his dirty little secret all of his life, but Tommy was just too clueless to figure it out? No, that's not possible. The blond knew everything about his boyfriend (ex-boyfriend?). That was the understatement of the year. For fuck's sake! He didn't even know Adam could sing. And look at him. He got second place on American Idol. Maybe _he _was the terrible boyfriend that led all this to happen to Adam. Maybe _he _was the one that ruined Adam's life and tore their once peaceful and loving relationship to shreds.

No. Tommy shook his head, it on the steering wheel while turning his car on, driving out of the parking lot and into the open road. His windows were open, letting the cool breeze whip around his heated and sad face. He needed to think this through…

To be honest, the blond felt bad for saying all that shit to Adam. He loved Adam. And he always will. How could Tommy just have abandoned his love like that? In his time of need. He didn't mean too. It was all just too much for the bassist. Seeing his lover in tattered pieces like that. He couldn't handle it, so he dealt with it inappropriately. The blond just left him, calling him a junkie druggie. Which was technically what he was, but Adam probably didn't want to hear that. He probably wanted to hear an 'It's alright, I'll love you now matter what, we'll get through this together….'

But now he knew that Adam needed him. But then again, maybe not. He is the one that said he could do all willy-nilly like that. If Adam did indeed want Tommy to stay, wouldn't the brunet have fought him to stay? No…That's stupid. He's probably hyped up on heroine or something.

That made Tommy flinch, knowing his baby was in a helpless state right now. Hurting himself with those needles. And cutting himself. Why the hell was he cutting himself? He saw those scars and the holes penetrating his skin. He was inflicting harm to himself, and that just about tore Tommy's heart out of his chest, knowing his baby was hurting himself on purpose. Was it because of him? Because he was away for so long? Was he the cause of this entire shitty situation and Adam's wounded and mangled body and mental self? No…he couldn't have been...

Tommy needed to do something. So he would. He would make this night romantic for him and Adam. They were going to watch a movie, and make love. That's what they were going to do whether Adam liked it or not! And no, they have never made love before. They've done everything in the above, but never got down nitty gritty, and that's what Tommy was determined to do tonight!

With a small smile on his tear stained face, Tommy started running errands. First he stopped at the movie rental place and rented 'Velvet Goldmine', knowing his was his and Adam's favorite movie. Then, he quickly drove to the nearest deli and ordered a vegan burger for Adam. His favorite food (and like old times at lunch in high school). And lastly, Tommy drove to the flouriest to get more blue roses. They were unique and beautiful, just like his Babyboy. He was going to make it up to him. Even if it killed him.

Then, like the wind, Tommy quickly drove back and locked his car, carrying the blue roses in one hand, and having the bag of food and the movie in the other. He didn't need to have a full out speech of apology for Adam. He was just going to kiss him softly on the lips and go down to his neck. They were going to have a nice night tonight. It only seemed logical, right? Jesus, they're seeing each other after nine years, and this is what happens. So much drama and they're even out of high school!

He sighed and opened the door, looking around frantically. It was dark, and he flipped on a switched. It was very quietly, but Tommy saw Adam's red mustang out front, so his boyfriend didn't go anywhere. Getting slightly worried, Tommy set the supplies down on the coffee table in the middle of the living room and went into the kitchen, looking around and seeing nothing.

"Babyboy?" he called out, looking left and right and not being able to see his lover. "Adam, where are you?" he called again. He checked the bedroom, the library, and various other rooms where Adam was not. He was beginning to get worried until he opened the door to the bathroom where his eyes widened, and his hands flew up to his mouth before the tears started to streak down his face. "Holy shit, Adam…"


	8. Chapter 8

There he was...the love of his life...crouched in the bathroom corner-black band tied tightly around his forearm, needle protruding from the swollen flesh there. Hands shaking, breathing ragged, tears falling to the tiled floor, Adam injecting the liquid gold into his blood stream and relishing in the incomparable sensation that it brings. The sensation of Heaven and Hell combined into some euphoric concoction.

"Oh, baby...stop." Tommy scrambled to his sweetheart, huddled in the corner-shaking worse than a leaf in a wind storm. "Adam. Stop!" Tommy pushed Adams hands away from instrument in his arm and gently pulled the leaking needle out. Slightly gagging at the sight, Tommy tossed the needle to the side, and held back the brunette as he reached for it. Adam whimpered at the desertion of his little friend.

Without anymore words, none were needed, Tommy gathered Adam into his now welcoming arms. Adam hesitated at first but with one glance into the blondes' forgiving tear-filled chocolate eyes, he collapsed into the sanctuary. Never did he anticipate seeing Tommy back here, holding him, comforting him, doing all he so desperately needed him to do 2 hours ago. But why was he back? Why was he here, now? Adam was too weak to answer these questions right now.

"T-Tommy...I'm scared...s-so s-scared…" whimpers Adam, shielding his face in Tommy's warm heartbeat. Tears soaking through the soft material, Adam clutched the shirt- holding on as if his life depended on it...which it did.

"I know, Babyboy...I know...sssh…" Tommy wrapped his arms around the quivering man, he was shaking so hard he was gonna shake himself into exhaustion. "Its gonna be okay, were gonna get you help. It's gonna be okay. Baby, please, stop shaking..."

Adam inhaled the scent of his lover and exhales the stench of the drugs that circumnavigated his entire being. The words he needed to hear were filling his ears, penetrating his mind, surrounding his soul...would things get better? They would...because Tommy said so. All Adam had to hold onto were the forgiving words of the blonde. He had to believe that things would get better. They had to. They just had to.

"I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry…" the same phrase was being repeated through the singer's lips onto the throbbing chest of his baby. Tommy rocked Adam back and forth on the floor, much like a child...a baby...his baby...his Babyboy…

"Babyboy, it's okay. It's over. I'm here. And I'm never leaving your side ever again." Tommy placed his hands on Adams face, lifting him up to look at him. Adams eyes were red, swollen, bloodshot, and they drooped down-only revealing a small slit of the singer's once heart-stopping blue eyes. Tommy was determined to bring the life and light back into his lovers' eyes.

"You l-left me...why are y-you here..?" Adam whimpered. Tears started to leak out of the corners of his eyes. He looked so helpless…

"You're not the man I fell in love with...you're not my Babyboy...this...this monster is destroying you...and you need help...I'm not leaving your side without getting you that help." Tommy stated, looking directly into Adams eyes. "And I realized I couldn't live life without you...there's no one else out there for me; Adam...I need you…" with these last words, the last of Tommy's tears escaped.

Adam saw this and gently took his hand and swept them away. Adam leaned up and in one swift motion, placed his lips against his baby's. A kiss so gentle yet filled to the brink with an overwhelming amount of love and passion...and tears...a kiss that tore at Tommy's heartstrings.

Tommy just sat there, hands idly placed on the younger mans back, their lips connected to one another, so much emotion was flooding the room they were suffocating in it and had to reluctantly break the kiss for air. Damn, why did they need air? Tommy felt as though he could live on Adams love alone.

"Come on, let's get out of this...this...place…" Tommy spoke as though they were in some sort of demented chamber when in fact it was only but a bathroom. But a bathroom with many treacherous hidden secrets. Many of which Tommy did not know...and with any luck-will never find out. It is for the best he didn't know the pain his baby went through...at least not all of it. He wouldn't be able to fathom it.

Tommy and Adam made their way to the couch in the living room. That damn couch...that couch almost obliterated their entire future...but it only goes to show the raw power of true love.

Tommy sat Adam down, took hold of his still shaking hands (thankfully he wasn't shaking as severely as he was earlier), and looked intently into his eyes. He wasn't going to let Adam fall back into the black hole. If he hadn't found him when he did...Tommy blinked away the thought...no, Adam's here. Next to him. Alive. That's all that mattered. That's all that ever really mattered.

"I need you to listen to me, Adam." all the sympathy and affection had faded from Tommy's voice. "Were getting you help. Now, don't you try and sweet talk yourself outta-"

"-Alright." interrupted Adam. Tommy closes his mouth, which was still agape. "Anything for you...I just don't want you to leave me again." Adam rested his forehead against his boyfriend's. Tommy sighed and absorbed the warm sensation of Adam's skin against his own once again. He was so scared he'd never know this feeling again.

Tommy pulled back and looked deeply into the sapphire orbs before him. Those eyes always had the power to bring Tommy to his knees. How could someone have such perfectly gorgeous eyes? Adam couldn't be real. He was too perfect.

"I love you, Adam." for words so small, they held more emotion and love than anyone could even begin to wonder.

"You love me again..?" Adam whimpered. He was so close to losing the love of his life. He DID lose him. Tommy walked out on him for the second time. He didn't imagine it. It happened. And now here Tommy was telling him he loved him? Could it be true? Did he have his sweetheart back?

All of Adams questions were then answered with 5 simple words.

"When did I ever stop?"


	9. Chapter 9

Tommy somehow managed to get Adam into the passenger's seat of his car and quickly made his way to the driver's side. He started the engine and grabbed Adam's hand. He ran his thumb in circles on his skin, trying to be as comforting as possible to his broken boyfriend.

"Baby we're going to the hospital. I think you overdosed…" Tommy mused, glancing over at Adam who had his head propped up against the cold window and his eyelids were dropping slightly. His breathing was hitched and it came out in a rigid pattern, but he still managed to grip onto Tommy's hand tightly. Adam needed the support right now. He felt like complete shit and he didn't think he would be able to last much longer. Honestly, he felt like everything inside his body was exploding and on fire; the only thing that could have him at this point was to inject himself with more of his drug…

"B-Baby…I need like…just one more shot of it. I promise, one more and I'll never do it again…" Adam moaned, his skin going deathly white as he began to pant. Tommy knew this would happen. He's seen all those fucking Interventions on TV. The druggie can't survive without their drug and they keep saying just one more, but it slowly keeps acuminating until it's about more then one…two…three, and it consumes your entire fucking life. He didn't know how long Adam had been doing all these drugs, but he needed to stop before it killed him. "P-Please Tommy…I just need one more…" He began to shake violent and his grip on Tommy's hand loosened and became limp.

Tommy gasped and looked over at Adam who became completely limp. "Baby…Baby come back to me. Come one Adam…ADAM!" Tommy tried to pay attention to the road, but he couldn't. What happened to Adam? With one hand on the steering wheel, and the other shaking Adam furiously, the blond began to tear up, thinking the utter worst just happened. His Adam Lambert just died in his car… "A-Adam, baby. Come back to me."

There was a loud groan that filled the car, and Adam opened his eyes whimpering. He began to shake again and he coughed, curling into a tight ball to keep warm from the non-existent cold. Tommy sighed in relief and pulled into the hospital parking lot. He quickly made his way to Adam sighed and tried to get him out of the car. "Baby, let's go. We're here. The nice people inside are gonna help you through this, Babyboy…" he mused, grabbing Adam's hand, but he shook away.

"T-Tommy…I can't. I've always h-had my heroine…I need it…L-Like…I have to…I can't!" He broke down sobbing and collapsed in Tommy's arms, shaking like a leaf in the wind. "I-I can't…I want to do this so badly for you, but I won't be able too…I've just been doing it for so l-long, and now you're just asking me to quit? T-Tommy, I'm not strong enough…" he panted, licking his lips and looking up at the older man. The blond shook his head and gripped Adam's shoulders. Alright, he was done with this, 'I can't do it' shit!

"Listen to me, and listen to me fucking well, Lambert. I love you more then anything in the entire fucking world. And you know what? These drugs are gonna fucking kill you if you keep taking them. Do you want to die? You probably do since you're so fucking screwed up in the head, but I'll have you know something. If you die, I would die. I can't live the rest of my life, knowing that you died in vain and due to your own selfish actions. So I would kill myself. And I'm not just saying that now to get any fucking feeble sympathy from you. I'm telling you the truth, Adam. I actually contemplated suicide when you were gone. I attempted to fucking hang myself, but my mom stopped me and put me in therapy. And I stopped, because I knew one day I would find you. And I'm glad I didn't kill myself…" Tommy panted a bit after his entire rant, and Adam nodded, getting up from the car and holding onto Tommy's hand for dear life. He would have fallen over if he didn't have the smaller man's support. But his Tommy tried to kill himself? He shuddered just thinking about it, knowing that he would have to be strong…

They entered the hospital and went up to the front desk.

"Hi. My boyfriend overdosed on heroine…" the blond said, pointing at the zombie next to him. The nurse sighed. She was pretty use to this kind of shit in LA. Nothing too special. So she walked out from the counter and attached Adam to some IV and handed them a chart to fill out.

"We need to know everything he's been on, or taken. Please fill this out then we can start the treatment…" she mused, handing Adam the form and sitting him down. Tommy took the clipboard from his boyfriend's hands.

"I'll do this for you. Baby, do you drink?" he asked looking at Adam who pathetically nodded.

Are you an alcoholic? Tommy checked yes.

"Do you do any of these drugs, Babyboy?" Tommy asked, showing Adam all the drugs and Tommy checked them off one by one as he listed them off.

Meth? Yes.

Coke? Yes.

Heroine? Yes.

Pot? Yes.

The blond had to blink back tears. Who was this monster? For fuck's sake?

"W-When was the last time you had…sex baby?" Tommy didn't even know WHY he had to answer this question. Probably because the brunet could have AIDS or something. Adam panted a little and replied hoarsely.

"A-About…Three years…Ago…" he panted, gripping his own wrist and digging his nails into it.

Tommy looked over at Adam. "You haven't had sex in THREE YEARS?" he asked in total disbelief. He did all these fucking drugs, but he wasn't' a whore?

"I…I wanted to save myself for you. Before you left, we never h-had sex, and I wanted to have sex with you, so bad…" he moaned, leaning his head against the wall. The pain was getting to intense. The urge was taking over his body. Adam didn't think he could last much longer…


	10. Chapter 10

Adam rested his throbbing head against the hard wall of the emergency room. He could hear his heart pulsating in his brain. And it was making him quite sick. He dug his nails deeper into the flesh of his wrist, he felt the skin break and it felt good- the warm blood seeping under his manicured nails... It took his mind off the pain of his body shutting down on him. Everything inside him felt like it was being set on fire; he would swear that you could feel his heart beat through his chest...he just needed one hit...one more and that would be the end…no more...fuck, Tommy for not letting him shoot up...he was pissed..

"Fuck, Tommy. Get me out of this shit hole!" Adam barked, knocking the clipboard out his Tommy's hands where it fell to the floor with a loud clank; feeling a surge of adrenaline course through his veins. Adam attempted to stand up, but gravity was not kind to him and he collapsed back down-missing half the chair causing Tommy to quickly grab him before he hit the cold hard floor. People were starting to stare. Ignoring their own problems and focusing on the troubled man barking at the smaller man. Some whispered- they knew who he was. And some just shared curious looks. Nosy civilians...

"Adam. Calm. Down." Tommy attempted to sit Adam back in his seat, leaving the forgotten clipboard on the floor. "You just overdosed on heroine. You need to calm down!"

Adam pushed Tommy's hands away in attempt to stand back up, but felt a wave of ice sweep through him and the last thing he remembered was hitting the hard floor- a sickening crack- and the wail of his Glitterbaby's voice calling his name...

Tommy couldn't believe Adams sudden outburst. He was only trying to get what needed to be done so his baby could get the help he so desperately needed, faster. He didn't understand why Adam was so angry all of a sudden...was that a side effect of heroine? Hell, Tommy didn't know anything about drugs. Sure, he smoked a joint with friends every now and again- but he never shot up or snorted crack like his poor boyfriend allegedly did...he didn't know what the fuck was supposed to happen…

Now he was watching as 2 male MT's lift his Adam onto a cot, holding a cloth to his bleeding head...the sound of bone cracking open against cold hard tile made Tommy gag just re-thinking about it.

Adam hit his head just right when he fell to the floor...and Tommy felt like shit for not catching him in time...he really hoped the new injury didn't affect the already existing antics being performed onto his deteriorating system. He doesn't think his Babyboy could handle anymore trauma...

"Are you responsible for this young man?" he was asked after about 10 long, lonely minutes, by a man in a long white overcoat-clutching a green clipboard and wearing a stethoscope- he was clearly the doctor. Tommy eyed him up from his balding head...down to his New Balance feet...looked about 50-ish...noticed he was married...has the clear evidence of a 5'o clock shadow…(it was close to 1am)...Tommy mentally qualified the man to take care of the love of his life.

"Y-yes, sir...is he gonna be alright?" such a cliché question, he knows, but it's all he can manage to ask at this moment. Tommy's head full to its limit with stress and sleep-deprivation. But he couldn't think about sleep right now, he had to focus on the well-being of his boyfriend.

"Well, we're detoxifying his system right now...and I have a nurse stitching up the wound on his head...we will defiantly need to keep him here overnight...and possibly through the rest of the weekend…" explained the doctor. Tommy's impression of the man drastically changed when the voice of the doctor lacks any form of sympathy or support or even perseverance. Just empty words...this was his fucking boyfriend he was talking about! How the hell could he seem so melancholy about the whole situation? Fuck, he really hated doctors.

"So when can I see him, doctor?" asked Tommy, playing with a loose string on his jacket. When did he put on a jacket? Everything happened in such a blur Tommy hardly remembered anything prior to entering the ER.

"You are welcome to see him now, if you'd like. But he needs his rest, so no longer than 15 minutes. Understand?" sternly clarifies the doctor. Tommy nodded in compliance and before the doc could squeeze another word out Tommy rushed down the trail he watched the MT's wheel Adam off to. He was there in a matter of seconds.

Being apart from Adam was driving him insane...God, how could he ever imagine life without him? Tommy shook his head at the thought. He almost lost Adam once. No way in hell would he allow it to happen again…

No matter how much blood, sweat, or tears Tommy would have to withstand for his baby- he would. He would not quit or give up until his baby was better and cleaned up.

Adam had always been perfect in Tommy's eyes...but now he was some sort of awful monster...and Tommy would slay this monster before it devoured anymore of Adams soul...

He would not stop till he had his Babyboy back.


	11. Chapter 11

Before Tommy could walk into the room where they were going to let Adam rest in, a nearby nurse ushered Tommy over. He sighed, glancing at the doctors hooking Adam up to some kinds of medicines. He wasn't moving, instead, he seemed like a lifeless body lying on the table where they cut you up for your organs. The thought made Tommy shudder and he gnawed on his bottom lip, sauntering over to the nurse who looked as if remorse and genuine sympathy consumed her soul. Well, at least someone in this fucking hospital can feel something! "Mr.…," she looked down at her clipboard, then back at the golden brown eyes boring into her, "…Ratliff. I don't think you should go in there…" she whispered, gazing over Tommy's shoulder in order to get a quick glance at the hospital room that encased his beloved.

"Don't go in there? What the fuck? I'm just supposed to what- merrily skip off and leave me suffering and amazingly screwed up boyfriend to fend for himself?" Tommy barked, clenching his fists hard and tears rising to his eyes, but he blinked them back. How could this bitch tell him not to go in the room where his lover was DYING? Okay, maybe no dying, or maybe- fuck, he was dying! Tommy didn't know! Maybe it was the not sleeping part getting to him, but his heart hammered in his chest, and he just wanted to hold Adam's hand right now…

"N-No. I'm not asking that at all. But patients that have overdosed on an excessive amount of drugs -and drink alcohol in your case- have a tendency to not be themselves over the course of detoxifying their system. You see Mr. Ratliff…Adam won't be himself. Because of drugs, I've seen couples that were married for _years _in advance to their addictions, now they're divorced…I'm just warning you, but you don't have to take my word for it…" she mused, shrugging and staring hard at Tommy who looked exhausted.

This was probably the longest day of his life. He traveled from Florida only two days ago and auditioned for Adam this-fucking-morning. How could so much have happened in such a short duration of time? Everything seemed fine in the audition room! Adam gave him a fucking piggy back side for Satan sakes! It's not fucking possible…

Tommy groaned and shook his head, turning his heel and walking into the room without another word to the nurse. The doctor (who said Tommy could only stay fifteen minutes), informed Tommy that Adam was in the process of detoxifying and was out cold. But the blond was extremely happy when they said he could spend the night in Adam's room. Seriously, how would he be able to go back to Adam's apartment and know that this is where his baby suffered all by himself for ten long years? He would cry himself to sleep…

Tommy shuffled into the room and pulled up the soft plush chair next to Adam's bed and took his cold hand within his shaking one. The bassist laid his head on Adam's lap and shut his eyes. "You'll be alright, Babyboy…" he mumbled before falling asleep, the sleep grasping his miserable soul...

Thrashing and muffled screams awoke Tommy. His head snapped up and he gasped, glancing at the clock which read two in the morning. Fuck, only an hour of sleep? The blond looked back at Adam who was shivering, almost convulsing. His lips were blue and his skin was as pale as shit. Tommy gasped and crawled into bed with Adam, holding his head to his chest and whispering a series of soothing words. What was happening? Was it a bad dream? He wasn't cold at all!

"Sssh…Baby, baby, come back to me. Sweetheart? Babyboy…" he whispered, shutting his eyes and keeping back tears. Adam gasped and his eyes snapped open. He looked up at Tommy and his eyes became inflamed. He pushed Tommy off the bed, causing the bassist to fall on the floor, hitting his ass hard. He groaned and looked up at Adam, who was still shaking and looked like Death, but his glare was set on Tommy, and he was determined to kill the blond.

"F-Fuck you, you little PRICK. Its b-because of y-you that I-I'm here in t-this hospital! I should b-be at home living m-m-my life, but you had to come and RUIN it!" he hissed, trying to reach out and grab Tommy, but he wailed when the tube attached to his arm tugged on his flesh. He whimpered, and tears started flowing out of his eyes. He didn't stop shaking, but he looked like a train wreck.

Tommy's heart was beating fast, and he didn't know what to do. Those words struck him in the chest like a thousand daggers. Adam seemed to hate him right now. But then he had to remember all the strain and stress on the singer's poor body. Plus, that nurse said it wasn't him. It's the heroine and other drugs (plus the medicine) talking. He couldn't get conflicted with these hurtful words. Instead, he slowly got up and rubbed Adam's leg. However, he couldn't help but think back to their high school times when everything was normal, and his biggest problem was seeing if he could afford a fucking tuner for his bass!

"B-Baby, I'm sorry…I had to bring you here…I don't want you to die…" he kept as quiet as possible, shutting his eyes and taking in a deep breath. "Adam…You'll be fine, I promise-"

There was a loud smack and Tommy's face was to the side. His cheek was bright red and Adam's hand was quivering. Tears rose into the blonds' eyes when he looked back at his once normal and loving boyfriend. The singer twitched and he pushed forward, reaching for the trashcan and heaving heavily into it. He was sobbing.

The bassist just stood there, shaking and holding his throbbing cheek. He didn't know what to do anymore. This was just too much for him to handle. He didn't…Tommy looked at Adam who whimpered and took his head out of the trash can, wiping off the blood from his mouth. OH SHIT. Was coughing up blood part of the detoxifying process?

"FUCK. YOU." Adam glared and coughed into his fist and took it away, a spray of blood gracing his flesh. "FUCK YOU!" he screamed, crying and trying to hit Tommy again, but the blond took a step back and sat in the chair that got moved in the commotion. Oh, shit…

Tommy didn't think he would be able to handle this anymore…


	12. Chapter 12

A nurse came rushing into the dark room. Doors were clanging against the walls-reverberating throughout the entire space. Tommy nearly jumped outta his skin. Poor kitty...

"What in Christ's name is going on in here?" barked the nurse, rushing to Adams aid. Checking the tube protruding from his arm- clear fluid filled the instrument; mixed with a milky orange substance… (Adams blood most likely, thought Tommy)- and looking at the beeping monitor...the beeping had increased since Adam had woken up-from all the yelling and thrashing he had just accomplished...Tommy felt like he should be the one connected to a heart monitor at the rate his heart was racing...

"Get h-him out of here...NOW!" Adam spats the words, sitting up from the bed and pointing to the helpless blonde sitting in the chair across from him looking like a lost child. But that's exactly how Tommy felt: lost and helpless.

The nurse turned to face Tommy-her once soft and sympathetic face, now harsh and livid. "Sir, please. I need you to go home. My patient needs his rest. You are doing no one any good being here. You are just in the way."

Tommy didn't say anything nor did he move...he was frozen in place, the words from the nurse ripped through him like a fresh blade. He couldn't believe the way Adam was reacting towards him. He wasn't sure if he was going be strong enough to handle the raging Adam...no...that wasn't acceptable! He had to stay strong for his boyfriend...Tommy wouldn't give up on him...he still loved him and Adam needed him now more than ever. It would be selfish of him to give up on his lover in such a time of need. No matter if it killed him.

"Sir! Please! You need to leave." repeated the nurse, anger riveting though her words.

Snapping back into reality, Tommy gathered himself and raised from the plush chair in the corner, and with one last glance at his Babyboy-who had the eyes of an enraged murderer-Tommy exited the room, fighting back tears...but lost the battle in the end...he swiftly wiped the black tears and bleeding mascara from his face and made his way to his rental car out front.

He wasn't sure where he was gonna go...he had no one here. No friends. No family. Sure he had Monte...but they weren't really friends yet. Shit! Monte. He had to tell him about Adam. What was he gonna say? He just met him a day ago...'hey Monte, it's Tommy. Remember me? Yea well Adam overdosed and now he's in the hospital hooked up to an IV, but hey let's chill sometime?'

No, that was insanity. But he knew he had to tell him...tomorrow, he would call. He just needed to get some sleep, but he knew that would not happen tonight...his head was throbbing and pulsating from stress, sleep-deprivation, anxiety, shit-he couldn't believe his head hadn't exploded from being chock-full of so many various flaws.

Tommy got in his car and drove...with no destination...he just drove. The lights of early morning LA whipped past his window...no music was existent...only wind and the sound of his own breathing. He felt like he wasn't there...in spirit but not in body...he didn't even comprehend how he was driving. He knew that it probably wasn't the best idea for him to be driving at the moment...with his head being elsewhere and his body suffering from exhaustion...but he had to get out of that hospital...he couldn't be around Adam any longer.

He couldn't handle the abuse from his once loving and caring boyfriend...it was getting to be too much for his already fragile heart to withstand. He felt himself breaking inside and he didn't like it. He wasn't sure how to handle it. Things have never been this intense before. How much longer would Adam resent him? Would it be permanent? He was only trying to help him...his baby would have died if Tommy hadn't taken him to the ER...he couldn't...he refused to allow Adam to slip through his fingers...he almost let it happen once. It would not happen again.

He did all he could to save him and get him the help he needed, but Adam only hated him for it...he even hit him...he'd never been stricken in the face before and for it to come from his love was just way too much...he felt the sting of Adam's hand against his cheek arise once more and he tasted the tears again...

Tommy found himself pulling into Adams apartment building. Parking and exiting the vehicle, Tommy wandered his way to Adams apartment. He needed to get inside and get some peace and quiet. How he was gonna manage this way beyond him at the moment...

The last place he wanted to be was here...in Adam's room. Remnants of their recent encounter still permitted the room. Tommy walked into the living and towards the bar where the bag from the gift shop lay forgotten. Tommy sighed and picked up the bag-Adam would have loved this-or so he thought...

"He probably would hate me even more if I tried giving this to him now...I'll just leave this here. I'll throw it away some other time." mumbles Tommy to himself. He took out the envelope in the bag-blue with the words 'I Love You' on the front-and opened it up to ponder at the gift he was so sure to brighten his baby's mood immensely!

Inside the envelope was a picture of a baby kitten. Black with pepper all over. Much like glitter...

While Tommy was collecting things for the romantic evening he had planned for his boyfriend, he came across a lady selling kittens on her front lawn. Always been a fan of the furry creature, Tommy was forced to stop and take a look. He fell in love with the runt of the litter-a tiny female black kitten with gray pepper. He thought Adam would love a friend to keep him company, so he asked the lady for a photo of the kitten and that he would most likely be back the next to purchase the little ball of fur for his boyfriend. The lady said she would hold her for him.

Thinking back on it, Tommy started to tear up once more. He loved Adam more than life itself and would do anything and everything to make him happy. Whether it was buying him a kitten or putting him through rehab...his priority in life was for his Babyboy to be happy.

Tommy sighed to himself and made his way to the couch cringing a little as he sat down-knowing Adam had almost fucked a whore on these cushions. Only meaning to close his eyes for just a second, Tommy laid his head against the back of the couch.

Being more exhausted than he realized, Tommy drifted off into a deep, much needed, slumber. He begged for dreams to pass over him tonight...good or bad, he was not up for a fantasy right now.

Reality was kicking him too hard in the balls right now.


	13. Chapter 13

Tommy groaned, waking up from his nap (or he thought it was a nap anyway) on the couch. His head was thrown back on its leather arm and his body was expanded across the length of the couch. The blond was still in his same clothes from the past two days. His black Marlin Manson shirt and his tight skinny jeans. Well, that was gross… He licked his lips and opened his eyes, rubbing them and staring up at the ceiling, trying to process his thoughts and remember all that had happened. Once adjusting the images in his head, he frowned deeply and sat up, staring at his hand and picking at the weak black nail polish that had once so smoothly graced his manicured nails.

What was he suppose to do? Adam hated him right now and probably didn't want to see him for a long time. He is, however, the one that forced the signer to break his addiction just like that. The bassist probably thought it would be easier then it seemed. This was fucking stupid on his part. Look at his boyfriend, he's suffering so fucking much right now, and he's not even there to comfort him…

But then, a rush set off in Tommy's body, causing him to jump up and walk swiftly to the apartment door, grabbing the keys and his trench coat from the rack and jogged down the stairs. He sighed, hopping into the car and hearing it purr to life. He didn't know what happened, but a course of adrenaline took a toll on his body, and he needed to do something to fix the shit of a situation he was currently facing…

"Don't worry Adam…" he muttered to himself, trying to sooth himself by the sound of his own voice. It was a bit hoarse, but he would manage. To make himself even calmer, he kept saying 'Babyboy' over and over again, breathing in and out. Whenever he was in a fuck situation, he would always think back to Adam. But now that Adam was the problem, he didn't know what to think about. So he decided on just thinking about their future together…If they had a future together…

Once he had reached his destination, he smiled and walked out of the car up to the nice lady that was selling kittens from when he came around here yesterday.

"Hi…Do you still have her?" Tommy asked, glancing at the older woman. She had a wrinkled face, and her silver and peppered gray hair was thrown back in a messy ponytail, but her dull brown eyes shined with liveliness, even in her old age.

"Of course. I saved her, just like you asked…" she spoke softly and bent down, rummaging through an open box and gently pulling out a very small kitten. The small feline could easily sit in the palm of Tommy's hand. She seemed a bit nervous and her tail was flashing back and forth in excitement and anticipation. "I will warn you though; she was rejected from her litter, so she's a bit shy. Her small size is due to the fact she doesn't eat much. All the other kittens push her away from their mother…" The old woman frowned, and gingerly handed the frightened kitten to Tommy who immediately smiled for the first time since Adam was sent to the hospital. The small kitten looked up at the bassist with the same blue eyes as his boyfriend. He gasped, at the beauty. It was so DeJaVu like…Those eyes were so alike Adam's, he wasn't sure if he would be able to tell them apart…

"How much is she?" Tommy asked, glancing up at the lady. They exchanged money and Tommy smiled, receiving a box with holes poked into it and taking both the nameless kitten into the car, along with the box.

He gently placed the feline in the box, but didn't put the top on. He walked over to the driver's side and slammed the door, glancing over at the cat who was staring at him intently, watching his every move. She seemed to be observing the blond, seeing if he was suitable for her requirements…

"Hey, baby. You're hopefully gonna break some tension…Or get thrown across the room…" Tommy shuddered at the thought of Adam picking up this little kitten and flinging her across the room. He wouldn't! He shook his head and reached his other hand over and began to scratch her ears. She shut her eyes and rubbed her head into his hand and purred. "I need to name you…" he glanced over at her from the road and saw that her fur was speckled black, like glitter. He also noticed that on her right hip was a single white spot in the shape of an abstract heart. "Damn, you really are the perfect addition to our family…" Tommy grinned (which was something he didn't think he would be doing in this situation). "Glitters…" he mused and the cat's ears perked up. "Alright. Your name is Glitters. I'll let Adam, your daddy, give you your middle name…" he mused, pulling into the hospital parking lot, ready and energized to go. He was gonna make things right with Adam, and hope he didn't hate him.

He took in a deep breath and exhaled, getting out of the car and putting the lid over the box. She whined in protest, but Tommy muttered that he would let her out soon. He gingerly walked into the hospital and sauntered to Adam's room, glancing at the nurse who nodded. Well, that's good. She's letting him enter, and she's not rushing over to him like Adam died or something…That thought led for a shudder to tremble down the bassist's spine.

The blond gulped and entered the room, looking at the bed where his boyfriend lay silently, snoring a little and looking somewhat peaceful- he still looked like shit- but peaceful none the less.

Tommy let Glitters out of her box and placed her on his lap when Tommy sat on the chair. She curled up and fell asleep, leading for Tommy to drift into a dreamless slumber.

However, he was soon awakened by distressed and muffled screams and whimpers. His eyes flew open and he looked over at Adam who was tossing and turning violently.

"T-Tommy…I-I'm sorry, don't l-leave me!" he whined, gripping onto his pillow and sobbing into it. "Tooommmyyy…" he whimpered. The blond immediately jumped up from his chair, and ran over to Adam, hopping into his bed and cradling his head into his chest.

"Shh…It's okay, baby…" he whispered, shutting his eyes and burying his head into Adam's hair. Glitters leaped onto the bed too, glancing at Adam and then at Tommy. She titled her head to the side and curled up at the end of the bed, staring palpably at the two of them…

"T-Tommy…I-I'm so s-sorry…" Adam whimpered in his sleep and kept shaking. The blond shut his eyes tighter, trying to keep back the tears. He didn't want his boyfriend to suffer, thinking he'll leave him…He didn't want Adam to suffer…


	14. Chapter 14

Tommy tightly held onto his quivering boyfriend...stroking his arm gently, hoping to calm him down. Tears were threatening to fall from his tired eyes, but he blinked them back and bit his bottom lip-which was also quivering. He had to keep strong for Adam. Weakness was not an option.

Tommy leaned over and his lips gently graze the top of Adams forehead. He tasted the perspiration evident on the brunette's temple...probably from all the thrashing he was doing just a moment ago. He despised the fact that Adam was worried that Tommy would leave him. But he felt a tinge of relief because it meant that Adam still wanted him...needed him...and that alone was enough to send Tommy soaring with satisfaction. He knew that after walking out on him-what was it now 2..3 times?-that Adam would be worried that Tommy would do it again, but by him doing so made Adam realize he had the ability to stand up to the towering man and actually leave him...Damn, Tommy was a brave son of a bitch.

Blinking his eyes, Tommy came back down to earth from his daydreaming when he heard Glitters chirp and shift around the bed to get comfortable. She was trotting around in circles until she finally settled on a small spot beside Adams ascending and descending torso. How innocent they both appeared...Glitters, all curled up looking like no more than a black tennis ball with glitter on it. Tommy chuckled at the mental image of an actual tennis ball with glitter on it...wow; he really needed some sleep...

Tommy laid his head on Adams shaking shoulder and wrapped his arm around the brunette's slender waist and began kissing the back of his neck ever so gently; making sure his baby has calmed down and is resting peacefully, with one last deep breath. Tommy closed his eyes and whisks himself away into a deep slumber. Hoping for a dreamless sleep.

It's close to around 7am, and Adam slowly blinks his eyes awake. Scanning the room skeptically, he feels a foreign object against his waist and looks down to see Tommy's arm draped over him. Adam smiles weakly at the sweet sight but his smile soon turns sour when he recollects the harsh words and violent actions towards his ever-forgiving boyfriend. Glancing down at his hand-IV protruding from bulging blue vein-Adam stares hopelessly at the weapons that have caused so much damage. He did not like the person he had become. He knew the drugs in his system were the reasons behind his outbursts, but he couldn't shake the guilt and burden that was left from striking the love of his life on the face and pushing him away. None of which that's been going on is Tommy's fault, and Adam knows this, but he still seemed to throw some form of guilt or blame in the blonde's direction. Adam would gain internal gratification watching the smaller man tremble in fear or cry an apology to him-he loved dominance and Tommy gave him that edge.

Wow, Adam could hardly believe the malevolent thoughts that crossed his mind. They were down right cruel...spiteful...just plain mean. Was he really that horrendous of a person now? Damn...and Tommy had stuck around for all this abuse? '_What could the blonde possibly see within me?_' Adam thought to himself…

But his thoughts were interrupted by what sounded like a baby bird chirping...Adam scanned the room when his eyes rested upon a tiny black ball of fur with ears at the foot of the bed-piercing blue eyes (much like his own he noticed) blinking up at him.

"A kitten? What on earth is a...oh, Tommy..." Adams heart clenched when he realized what his one-of-a-kind boyfriend did for him. "Come here, baby…" Adam coos softly, hoping to gain the kittens trust but not wake his still sleeping boyfriend. He could feel the warm breath on the back of his neck and how the blonde's chest moved up and down in short shallow breaths against his back. God, he loved this man more than life itself...it was a miracle that Tommy hadn't left him for good yet.

The tiny kitten cautiously strode towards Adam's gentle voice. He could see the hesitance and slight apprehension with a tinge of fear in the kitten's eyes and he couldn't blame her. He would be scared to approach himself as well. He was sure he looked like a hot mess. He looked awful when he was brought to the ER and here it is, a day later-no shower, caked on old makeup-he was sure he looked disgusting.

But that's not the only thing that the baby kitten had to fear...Adam knew how bad his anger had gotten outta hand and he figured the cat was scared of getting thrown against the wall or something...Tommy probably warned the poor thing before hand...he was right to do so...

Adam had always had a nasty temper but since his experimentation with every drug in the book and his slight addiction to alcohol he was a monster in a glittery shell. Hidden behind the glamorized persona of his day to day life. But when he was home alone, he extracted the mask and transformed into something to be feared. He was neither happy nor content with the outcome of his actions, but once you start it's nearly impossible to stop. Much like his compulsion with cutting.

Once he dug the silver across his bare flesh his life changed. He could vividly remember his first encounter with that particular drug...that's what it was. A drug. He was in bliss. It's impossible to explain to someone who has not done it before...the adrenaline rush, the pleasure, the feeling of control he had once, that beading line of crimson appeared on his body brings such satisfaction that normal people would never understand. He was labeled a freak. Sick. Psychotic. Attention grabber. But they couldn't be further from the truth...

Adam despised the monster he had become and feeling his baby stir next to him, he has what feels like an epiphany-he decides that from this moment out he will change. He will take all the treatment it takes to get better and be the once happy and optimistic person his boyfriend remembered.

"Mmm...A-Adam.?" mumbled Tommy, slowly waking up. He sat up from the bed and Adam sat up with him. Adam gasped when he realizes he almost pushed the kitten off the bed with his sudden movements. Poor thing...

"Morning, sweetheart..." coos Adam, looking into the soulful eyes of the smaller man beside him-there he found solace. Tommy blinked at the sudden sweetness in his boyfriend's voice, searching for sarcasm or something harmful-nothing. He smiled sweetly and greets the stranger with a 'Good Morning' as well.

"I seem to have discovered a misfit." Mused Adam plucking the bewildered kitten from the jumbled sheets and cradling her in his arms.

Tommy chuckled and scratched behind Glitters ears, smiling at the purrs coming from her tiny neck. She had to be the sweetest, most innocent, thing he had ever laid his eyes upon. He loved her.

"I thought she would be a nice addiction to this dysfunctional family." muses Tommy, looking up at the tired bruised eyes of his lover. He looked so rough...broken...but still managed to look oh so handsome. How did he do it?

"I agree. She's perfect." mumbles Adam placing a kiss on the purring kitty's nose. The cuteness was almost too much for Tommy to handle at once. But he wasn't about to complain.

Tommy placed his hand gingerly on the side of Adams warm cheek, forcing him to look into his eyes. The intense passion and fear that clouded Adams cobalt blue eyes almost brought tears to Tommy's cocoa brown eyes. Staring intently into Adams orbs-looking deeply into his tortured soul-Tommy spoke the words Adam so desperately needed to hear at this moment.

"I love you, Babyboy. More than life itself. Give me a chance, and I promise everything will be okay. You're not going to be alone. Never again."

These genuinely sweet, thoughtful, and compassionate words brought a river of tears to fall from the brunettes' eyes. He placed his lips against the blonde's in one of the most passionate love-filled kisses they had ever shared.


	15. Chapter 15

Adam and Tommy don't know how long they spent together on the bed, snuggled into one another and talking about the most random things or whispering special little nothings into one another's ear. Adam had Tommy pulled into his chest tightly, as though if he were to let his boyfriend go, he would vanish. Glitters seemed so fascinated that her parents were so infatuated with each other, yet there was the palpable tension floating through the air. Tommy and Adam both wished it would break away, but to no avail. And Adam knew it was his entire fault. For he was the cause of all their misfortunes. He twitched frequently, his body begging for the undying satisfaction of the killer drug that often coursed through his weak veins. But he fought off this urge in hopes that Tommy would see he was trying his best to come clean.

And Tommy did see that Adam was indeed trying his damnest at this. And he just about came to tears every time his boyfriend would take in a sharp breath, stop breathing, or twitch, knowing that his body was dying out on him. But he knew that his baby was strong and would be able to pull through this. He was Adam Lambert. His Adam Lambert. His Babyboy that he still loved, after all this time and chaos…

The nurse came in after awhile. She glanced at Adam. "Mr. Lambert. I think it's time you got yourself cleaned up, don't you think? I'll unhook you from these wires, and then you can go take a shower in the rehab clinic." She gave a wink, "It's much bigger and nicer then the regular showers." She walked over and gently pulled the tube from Adam's hand, causing him to hiss and cringe. Tommy whimpered, petting the singer's hair, shushing him. Seeing his boyfriend in any kind of pain just made his heart tear to shreds…The nurse smiled apologetically and helped Adam up, making sure his vitals were stable. Adam glanced over at Tommy and Glitters, then back at the nurse.

"C-Could…Tommy come with me?" he asked, blushing at the thought of his baby seeing him naked after all these years. He knew he looked disgusting right now. He wasn't pretty. He wasn't even sure why he asked…Tommy would be repulsed with his body. Fuck, he hated it. After all this time, his once youthful and toned body turned into a scarred and ridged one. Tommy would be so disgusted…

The nurse's eyes widened a bit and she shrugged smiling. "Of course. You're lucky the rehab bathroom is currently empty. I'll watch the kitten," she said, grabbing Glitters and walking out the door. Adam sighed and smiled, taking Tommy's hand within his own, a blush forming on his cheeks. Oh, man. This was gonna be big. After all this fucking time, they were gonna…

Tommy blushed too, looking to the side as he walked down the hall with Adam. He wasn't sure what was going to happen, but he was pretty sure it was going to end with him and Adam naked, rubbing up against him in the steamy water. He could feel his cock twitch in its holder. He gasped, squeezing Adam's hand tighter as they walked into the hospital bathroom, and he couldn't believe that it was actually this nice. He smiled and looked up at Adam who was frowning. He frowned in return and forced Adam to look at him.

"Baby, what's wrong?" the blond asked, getting a bit horny. Oh, yeah, his cock would barely take his creative and kinky imagination running this wild. He wanted Adam naked in the shower NOW.

"Tommy, I'm ugly…I've mutilated my body, and I don't have any make-up on, and my hair is greasy and unkempt, and you're so pretty…I don't want you to see my terrible-"

Adam's self destructing rant was cut off by Tommy kissing him aggressively and he pulled back with anger in his eyes.

"Adam Mitchel Lambert!" he exclaimed, putting his hands on his hips. "You are NOT ugly, do you understand me? You're the most beautiful person I know, baby! Don't say you're ugly…Please?" he asked, kissing his cheek and pulling back. The fact that this angel could speak so lowly of himself, proved that he needed to be shown how special he was. And Tommy was going to do this. "How about we each take off an article of clothing at the same time? First shirt…" He mused, reaching over and turning on the hot water in the fairly decent sized shower.

It was a crisp white on the walls, and had a granite stoned floor. The shower head had a dial to determine the different pressures of water. It was pretty badass for only being a rehab hospital shower…

Adam nodded, slowly taking off his shirt and looking away ashamed. Tommy took off his own shirt and gasped at the number of scars criss-crossing Adam's stomach. Sure, he had taken off Adam's shirt before, but he didn't notice his stomach. No, that was the first time he realized Adam was this messed up. And he LEFT Adam. That is something he will regret for the rest of his life. "Babyboy…" he cooed, kissing Adam's neck and lowering his hands down to Adam's pants where he unzipped them. "You're gorgeous…"

That made Adam's heart flutter and he gulped, smiling as he unbuckled Tommy's belt and took off his own pants. Tommy did the same and they were left in nothing but their boxers. The singer was getting a bit more confident. He loved these little compliments Tommy gave him. It meant more to him then the blond will ever realize…

"Ready, sweetheart?" Tommy asked, looking up at Adam who nodded nervously. "On the count of three…One…Two…Three…" and they both took off their boxers. Quickly, (before even looking at each other) they both swiftly hopped into the shower and moaned when the hot water pierced their skin. Adam blushed even more, looking down at his small boyfriend and soaking in his appearance. That small and pale figure. Those horror tattoos gracing his arms. He smiled weakly at that. He remembered Tommy's infatuation with horror films.

"Baby, there are no words that can describe how amazing you are…" he whispered, running his chipped black nailed fingers through the soaking and warm blond hair of his boyfriend. Tommy looked up at Adam and placed both his hands on his freckled chest, leaning in and kissing between his pecks. He then lifted one of Adam's arms and looked at the excessive damaged that had been done to them. Adam was a monster within himself, trying to destroy his well being. But Tommy put that thought behind him and he gently kissed the bruises and scars on his inner elbow, causing Adam to whimper. "Tommy…" Tears began to rise in Adam's eyes, both from the pain coursing in his arm, and the gentleness his boyfriend was using on him.

"Adam, shh…" Tommy ordered, leaning Adam against the wall and kissing up his neck to his lips where he moved his hand to the back of the singer's neck and pushed him closer, clenching his eyes shut. Adam moaned into the kiss, groaning and sucking on the bassist's bottom lip that happily opened. Their tongues danced, fighting for dominance, and Adam came out the winner.

His freckled arms slowly wrapped around his boyfriend's small waist and brought him closer, their growing cocks rubbing against one another.

"T-Tommy…I love you," Adam panted against Tommy's lips. "Stay with me forever…" he whimpered, pulling back and bending down, nipping at the blonds' collar bone, resulting in a long moan from the smaller male. He panted, yanking on Adam's hair and running his fingers down Adam's chest.

"Forever and ever baby!" Tommy chirped smiling and kissing Adam's lips again, but the brunet pulled away. The blond titled his head to the side. "Baby, what it is?"

"I…I want you to…Damnitt, Tommy! I want you to be inside of me! I want everything about you, baby. I know we've never had sex before, but I want to so bad. I want you so badly Tommy!" Adam gasped, biting his bottom lip and looking to the side. He wasn't sure why he wanted Tommy to do this, but he was sure he wanted it. He felt that if Tommy did this, then the blond could claim him, claim his soul. And that's what he needed because he didn't want the drugs to be the one claiming his soul. He wanted his lover…His soul mate…

Tommy was a bit taken back, but he was horny and in love, so there was no way he was going to pass up this offer. "Babyboy…Are you sure?" he asked, and Adam nodded, bending down and kissing him on the lips again. Simultaneous moans fell from both their mouths and Tommy leaned Adam against the wall, panting and gently turning him around so his back was facing him. The singer whimpered, shutting his eyes and panting.

Sure, this was defiantly not the first time he'd been screwed, but it's been so long and the first time Tommy's screwed him. And, by the way, Tommy had a huge cock for his size, and Adam was expecting it to be a pretty long time before it's all completely in him. But he wanted EVERY inch of Tommy to be within him.

The blond leaned against Adam, resting his head on the singer's shoulder and whispering sweetness into his ear, but then Adam let out a wail when Tommy stuck two fingers inside him. "Shh…Baby, I know, I'm sorry, but I have to get you set up…" Tommy knew what he was doing. He's screwed guys before…And he didn't want to make his baby bleed…

It was at times like this that Adam would shoot up. The heroine took away the pain…

Then Tommy's fingers were removed and replaced with something much bigger and harder, causing Adam to lean into the wall further.

"O-Ow, Tommmmyyyyyy!" Adam moaned, panting and feeling the tears sting in his eyes, threatening to escape their barricade. "Come on b-baby, harder! F-Faster, please- for me?" he gasped, looking back at Tommy who was in complete ecstasy. It was hard for him to stay in control and know that he had to be soft for his Babyboy, when, for the very first time, he was INSIDE the person he loved oh-so dearly. He gulped, gripping Adam's hips and pounded harder into him, throwing his head back and gasping.

"Mmmm…ADAM!" he screeched, digging his nails into his boyfriend's flesh and leaning down, licking the brunet's shoulder's, savoring the taste. He then kissed away the tears flooding down Adam's eyes.

"F-Fuck, baby, it hurts…" he whimpered, shivering and reaching his hand back and tugging on the blond hair. "But I love you being inside me…" he moaned, biting his bottom lip.

Tommy gasped, rocking his hips into Adam's ass and moaning loudly. Adam made a noise he didn't even think was possible. It was in the middle of a whimper and moan, and it was just beautiful. "A-Adam…" Tommy purred biting deep into Adam's shoulder and coming hard inside his ass, gasping again and groaning. Adam wailed out, whimpering and panting, in need of air. He groaned again, before coming on the wall and some of his splattering back on his stomach and chest.

"T-Tommy…" Adam whimpered, glancing over at the tired man leaning on his back. The blond opened his eyes and turned Adam over so he was facing him with a smile.

"Adam…" he whispered, kissing the brunet on the lips and savoring it. He never thought he'd say it now, but this was the best night of both their lives…


	16. Chapter 16

Tommy and Adam stumbled their way out of the rehab shower, legs weak from their recent love-making. That's exactly what it was: making love. Adam loved Tommy, and Tommy loved Adam. Any doubts either of them had, had been obliterated now. And all that was left was them…this moment…and the immense emotions the two men shared. It was quite beautiful.

Adam and Tommy made their way back to Adam's room, hand in hand, no words were shared the entire trip (it wasn't that far a walk). Just the occasional kiss here and there.

When they reached their destination, the nurse was sitting in the chair in the corner of the room cradling Glitters in her arms. The tiny kitten's eyes were closed and she had this precious little grin on her face. Tommy smiled at the innocence before him.

"Oh, welcome back. How was the shower?" asks the nurse, a smile playing on her face. She wasn't dumb, she knew what happened. But she thought it was really rather sweet. She could tell how much the blonde loved Mr. Lambert. She couldn't think of a time where she witnessed a more devoted partner

"It was great. Thank you for letting us use it. Appreciate it." stated Adam, taking a seat in his bed. He winced at the sharp pain in his lower back..But Adam wasn't complaining. He actually smirked at himself.

"No problem, Mr. Lambert. Just call if you need anything else. Here's your kitten back. She's precious. Does she have a name? I didn't see a tag." the nurse asks, setting Glitters on Adam's lap. The kitten mews at the sudden loss of contact but quickly makes way with curling into a ball and licking her paw.

"Oh yea, I never told you her name, did I?" Tommy asked walking over to the side of the bed. "Her name is Glitters." Tommy smiled down at Adam.

"Awe…" the nurse coos. She picked up her clipboard from the bed and made her way out of the room.

"Is that name okay, Babyboy?"

Adam scratched the back of the kitten's ears and smiled up at the blonde standing beside him. "Its perfect, Glitterbaby. I love it." Tommy leaned over and kissed Adam lightly on the lips. The kiss sent shivers down Adams spine. He still couldn't grasp how much Tommy really did love him. The blonde was the only thing bringing any form of happiness in Adam's life at this moment. Without him, Adam would not have lasted as long as he has...and he doesn't think he could continue living life without him.

"Hey, Adam, I need to take care of a few things and give Monte a call to let him know you're not dead in a ditch somewhere. So get some rest, and I'll be back tonight." Tommy kissed Adam again. Adam grabbed the back of Tommy's head and deepened the kiss, extracting a gentle moan from the blonde's lips. Tommy took hold of the back of Adam's head and threaded his fingers through the now silky black strands.

"Thank you...for…for everything…" Adam managed through the passionate kiss. Tommy smiled at his boyfriend, and kissed his nose before he left the room, trusting Adam will take care of the kitten and behave while he's absent.

Tommy made it back to his abandoned car and ignited the engine; causing it to purr back to life.

He took out his phone and dialed Monte's number. He neglected to check if he'd tried contacting Adam at all in the last two days, but either way he just needed to let him know what was going on. He just wasn't entirely sure what he was going to say. It really wasn't any of Monte's business why Adam was in the hospital...okay, maybe it was since he was Adam's music director and clearly a good friend of his boyfriend's, but it wasn't his place to tell him Adam had been admitted for an overdose and such...he would leave that up to Adam.

Tommy's mental ranting got interrupted when he hears Monte's voice through the phone. But to Tommy's relief, it was only his voicemail.

"Pheww..." breathed Tommy, waiting for the prerecorded message to end. "Hey, Monte. It's Tommy. Just wanted to inform you that Adam hasn't been feeling well lately, so if you need to contact him just shoot me a call and I'll tell him to call you as soon as he can. Have a nice day. Bye."

After leaving the fairly informative but not too invasive message, Tommy made his way from the hospital parking lot and back to Adam's apartment.

He really needed something to eat, so he decided to stop by Taco Bell and grab something small to keep him sated till he could have a real meal later tonight. He wanted to bring back a couple of sandwiches and candles and have the romantic evening he had planned prior to all this drama. Regardless if his boyfriend was in the hospital or not, he would make sure tonight was perfect. The storm had already past, so there was nothing in addition that could interfere with his plans. He loved Adam more than life itself and he wanted to make damn sure Adam knew that.

When Tommy got back to Adam's apartment, he went inside and decided to tidy up the place a bit. He started with the living room. He was just picking up scattered trash along the floor, not much, just random napkins or dust bunnies here and there. Adam mustn't have been home a lot while on tour with American Idol and everything else his newly famous boyfriend had been up to in the last decade.

Tommy rearranged the pillows on the soiled couch and tried his best to clean off any remnant of any foreign particles. Once he completed that task, he cleaned the unused kitchen (didn't take much time at all), and lastly he makes his way to the bathroom...that terribly haunted claustrophobic room.

Gulping, Tommy slowly opened the door and the sight before him causes him to gag. Shattered needles strewn across the tiled floor. Droplets of dried blood scattered like stars. Rusted, blood stained razorblades next to the pink stained sink. Damn, this place looked like something plucked from a horror film. It was just revolting. He swallowed down his small lunch, and proceeded to clean up the mangled mess.

After about an hour or so of torture, Tommy exited the now clean bathroom. But no matter how much scrubbing and bleaching he did, the ghosts and memories still remained etched onto his brain. And the crimson blood was never fully gone...he just hoped that he never walked in on Adam committing such heinous acts upon himself ever again.

Sighing, Tommy plopped his self onto the couch and lolled his head back. He could feel a small headache forming so he massaged his temple in hopes to relief some of the pressure there. But to no avail.

"Shit..." mumbled the blonde, squeezing shut his tired eyes. Reopening them, he looked around for a clock to check the current time. His eyes rest upon the DVR player in front of him beneath the 50 inch plasma flat screen. Seriously, did anyone really need a TV that damn big? Especially someone that was never really home. Shaking his head to refocus, he noticed the clock read 6pm.

"Not enough time to take a nap...damn..." mumbles Tommy, massaging his temple once again. He laid on the couch for a little while, just catching up on some rest.

Tommy's mind began to wander. He reminisced on the moment he very first ever laid eyes on Adam...gosh, he was beautiful...probably the most perfect being he had ever seen. Never did he think he would ever get to know him, let alone date him and fall in love with him.

When everything fell apart...he thought it was the end, but after going through all the chaos that they have in the past 2 and a half days...he realized it's only the beginning.

After about an hour and a half of lying around doing nothing but thinking, Tommy forced himself to sit up and be productive. He looked at the time and noticed he only had 30 minutes before the sandwich shop closed so he hurried out of the house, barely remembering to change clothes real fast and grab a fresh pair of clothes for Adam as well and to grab the forgotten candles on the bar, and he sped down the road barely making it to the shop in time. He ordered two of their favorites subs and he got Adam a diet soda and himself a sprite.

By the time Tommy made it back to the hospital, it's close to 8:30 so he rushed out if his car and into the lobby of the large brown building. He sprinted down the corridors and finally, after what seemed like hours, Tommy reached Adam's room. Huffing and puffing, Tommy collected himself before entering the room that his broken boyfriend was being confined to. Slowly, he pushed open the door; making sure to stay quiet in case Adam was asleep.

"Awe...Babyboy..." quietly cooed Tommy when he saw his lover curled in a ball and did happen to be sound asleep. Tommy quietly inched his way beside Adam and saw Glitters curled up in a tiny fuzzy ball next to the brunette. Thankfully, both of them were both sound asleep so they don't budge when Tommy almost tripped over Adams IV machine...Tommy sighed and shook his head at his clumsiness.

Tommy exhaled the breath he'd be holding and rested his worn down eyes on the beautiful sight before him. He couldn't believe that after everything Adam had been through that right here in this moment he still managed to look more flawless than an angel. Was that even possible? It was, because it was Adam Lambert. Tommy's Babyboy. Tommy's everything...

Tommy leaned over and gently kissed his sleeping boyfriends cheek and makes his way over to the chair placed untouched in the corner. But as he's walking around the bed, he noticed a loose sheet of paper on the floor. It looks like trash, so Tommy didn't look too much into it when he picked it up but as he was getting ready to toss it in the trash he noticed things written on the back of the paper. "Hmm?" murmured Tommy as he took the paper and had a seat in the chair.

"What is this?" whispered the blonde, as he started to read what was written on the front of the material. As he finished a couple lines, he began to notice how it was written like a poem...or a song?

_Hey, slow it down,_

_Whataya want from me?_

_Whataya want from me?_

_Yeah, I'm afraid, _

_Whataya want from me?_

_Whataya want from me?_

_There might have been a time_

_When I would give myself away_

_Oh, once upon a time, I didn't give a damn_

_But now, here we are, so whataya want from me?_

_Whataya want from me?_

_Just don't give up, I'm workin' it out_

_Please don't give in, I won't let you down_

_It messed me up, need a second to breathe_

_Just keep coming around_

_Hey, whataya want from me?_

_Whataya want from me?_

_Whataya want from me?_

_Yeah, it's plain to see_

_That baby you're beautiful_

_And there's nothing wrong with you_

_It's me, I'm a freak_

_But thanks for lovin' me_

_Cause you're doing it perfectly_

_There might have been a time_

_When I would let you slip away_

_I wouldn't even try_

_But I think you could save my life_

_Just don't give up, I'm workin' it out_

_Please don't give in, I won't let you down_

_It messed me up, need a second to breathe_

_Just keep comin' around_

_Hey, whataya want from me?_

_Whataya want from me?_

_Just don't give up on me_

_I won't let you down_

_No, I won't let you down_

_Just don't give up_

_I'm workin' it out_

_Please don't give in,_

_I won't let you down_

_It messed me up_

_Need a second to breathe_

_Just keep coming around_

_Hey, whataya want from me?_

_Just don't give up I'm workin' it out_

_Please don't give in, I won't let you down_

_It messed me up, need a second to breathe_

_Just keep coming around_

_Hey, whataya want from me?_

_Whataya want from me?_

_Whataya want from me?_

After completely reading the words, Tommy found himself wiping away tears. Did Adam write this while Tommy was away? Was it...to him? All these questions flood the blonde's brain as he lay the paper back on the floor where he found it. He realizes that Adam probably didn't mean for Tommy to see it, therefore he didn't want him to think he was nosey-so he just put the paper back onto the floor and would pretend he never saw or read anything. If Adam wanted Tommy to see that work he had done, then he would show him on his own time.

The blonde decided he wants to be closer to his boyfriend, so Tommy crawled into bed next to Adam for a nap. Adam mumbled and moaned incoherent nothings as Tommy wrapped his arms around the love of his life, kissing the back of Adams neck, tasting the faint smell of male musk, which he found oddly compelling.

"I love you, Adam Mitchel Lambert." was the only words that left Tommy's lips as he quickly drifted away into a dreamless slumber, his breathtakingly incredible boyfriend tucked away safe in his arms.


	17. Chapter 17

Adam was let out of the hospital that night, at around six. They said he would have to be observed closely, and watched (Baby-sat, as Adam thought) for quite some time until his intense addiction died down just a little. The nurse clarified that after one has had their body cleansed of the drug, they need it even more. But in Adam's case, he was also suicidal with his cutting problem, so he took some anti-depressants before he got home. That was supposed to make him less suicidal and dull down the urge to cut. So, willingly, Adam shoved it down his throat. However, the nurses didn't have time to tell Tommy about the side affects to the medicine because he left too quickly.

The nurses (or doctors) probably really should have stopped Tommy before he left the building. Or at least given him a brochure about the medicine and what it could cause. Adam being in such a vulnerable stage wasn't good. And the anti-depressants can have a huge affect one him, causing mood swings, violent behavior; it could even progress his need for his drug even more before it gets better. But they didn't tell Tommy, no. They didn't say a word…

Tommy smiled, wrapping his arm around Adam's waist and leaning his head on his shoulder. The singer smiled, licking his lips and leaning his head on the blonds'. He was a bit tired…And…He really didn't know what was happening. All he knew was that he was in the arms of someone he loved. He would never hurt Tommy, physically and mentally. Shit, he loved him so fucking much. He knew that without the help of his boyfriend, he could have been so far gone; he wouldn't know what the hell was happening. To be honest, he probably would have offed himself once his band was formed. What was the point of all this fame and fortune if he didn't even have who he loved?

"Baby, when we get home, do you wanna watch a movie or something? Just relax?" Tommy asked, setting Adam in the car and quickly sauntering to the driver's side. Adam licked his lips and subconsciously started to scratch at his wrists. He didn't even notice he was doing it until Tommy slapped his hand and gave him a stern look. "Baby, no…Please?" he pleaded, gripping the steering wheel. Adam gulped and lifted Glitters up from his lap and kissed her nose.

"I'm sorry, baby…" he whispered, shutting his eyes and thinking back to the song he had written. He wrote it when Tommy had gone away to call Monte. He just got the sudden urge. Maybe it was because he loved Tommy so much, he couldn't keep it all inside. Yea, it sounds totally stupid, but whatever…What was he supposed to do? That's exactly how he felt in that song. It wasn't on his album but he would want to sing it when his Glam Nation Tour started…He wanted to sing it to Tommy. He wanted Tommy to know how much he loved him, so fucking much. How he would always love him, no matter what happened between them.

Adam sighed, licking his lips and breathing lightly, resting his head on the headrest of the seat and slowly petting Glitters head. She mewed and he glanced over at Tommy who looked so tired. Adam felt the overwhelming surge of guilt course through his body. It was because of him that Tommy was like this. Sad, and tired. Unable to function. He was perfect…He was the freak. Why hadn't Tommy left him yet? Why was his boyfriend still here? What did Adam have to offer the blond that Tommy didn't already have? He wanted Tommy; more than anything, but Tommy deserved so much better then him…

"T-Tommy…Why didn't you leave me? When I was about to fuck that guy? And I overdosed on heroine? Why are you still with me?" he asked, licking his lips and shuddering at the thought of shoving the beautiful needle in his skin. A sinister smile graced his features. Oh, it would feel so good right now. Having that long, sharp, thin needle penetrate his damaged skin, just-

"Baby, no matter what, I will always be with you because I love you more than anything in the world. That means that I have to look past your flaws, sweetheart," Tommy smiled, reaching his hand over and grabbing Adams'. For some reason…Tommy's answer angered Adam. HIS FLAWS? They weren't flaws; they were escapes…ESCAPES from Tommy not being there all those years. Why didn't Tommy try hard enough to be with him? Why didn't he fight his parents? He honestly doesn't love Adam as much as he claims. FUCK. He probably wrote that song full of love and heart for fucking nothing. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED? Why is he so angry all of a sudden? He loved Tommy, but fuck…

Adam gritted his teeth and squeezed Glitters…A little too hard and the kitten mewed, whimpering in Adam's grasp. He huffed and released the feline that quickly jumped onto Tommy's lap. The blond glanced down at the cat and back at Adam, not noticing anything out of the usual. He shrugged off any doubts he may have and pulled into Adam's apartment, releasing his boyfriend's hand and walking out of the car. He flinched a bit when the singer slammed his door shut and didn't even wait for him when he stormed up the stairs. Something was wrong.

"B-Baby, what's wrong? Are you okay, Babyboy?" Tommy asked, quickly catching up to Adam and grabbing his wrist. The singer hissed, ripping his hand from Tommy's touch and whimpering.

Adam's flesh felt so…normal. He NEEDED to cut it. JUST FUCKING TEAR IT APART. He couldn't handle it.

"Open the door, Tommy," Adam ordered, his eyes becoming dilated and glassed over. In all honesty, he wanted to start a motherfucking riot.

"B-Baby…" Tommy whispered, leaning into Adam and kissing him on the lips. Adam's heart slowed down a bit and he sighed into the kiss, closing his eyes and feeling better, much better. He moaned, wrapping his arms around Tommy's slender waist and pulling him closer.

"I'm so sorry…I'm a freak. Baby, you should leave me. I don't want to hurt you…" Adam whispered, opening his eyes, tears overflowing them. The blond shook his head and leaned up in his ear.

"Never." Was all he whispered, before setting Glitters down and turning the key into the door. He opened it up and Adam bit his bottom lip, slowly stepping into the house and gasping, the urges raging back. This was his drug spot. His fuck palace. His hell. SHIT. No, he couldn't. He couldn't go back into his shell. He needed to stay strong for Tommy. He needed Tommy, and he didn't want the blond to leave him…again.

Adam twitched a little and took in a deep breath. Tommy frowned and led his boyfriend over other couch and set him down, kissing his forehead. "Baby, do you want anything?" he asked. The brunet shook his head and grabbed Tommy's wrist, pulling him down harshly and throwing him on the couch. The blond gasped as the singer straddle him, attacking his neck.

"Just. Leave. Me…" he moaned, shutting his eyes as he slid his hand up Tommy's shirt, pinching his nipples and tugging on the blonds' nipple rings, causing him to gasp. Adam didn't know why he wanted Tommy to leave, just go away. He knew it was the excessive amount of anti-depressants. He was only supposed to take two, but he ended up taking five. He hoped it would make all the pain go away, but it only worsened it.

"A-Adam…" Tommy moaned, tugging on the thick mane of his boyfriend. "I-I love you…"

"I-I love you too…That's why…You have to FUCKING LEAVE," Adam screamed, suddenly getting up and running to the kitchen. H-He couldn't fucking take it. The urge. Tommy just waltzed in here one day and shoved him into the hospital hoping it would cure him but it only made him worse! He needed it. At this point, cutting and drugs were more important than Tommy. So much more important! Fuck, to be honest, he wouldn't care if Tommy just vanished. He was happy without the small man, now he's suffering, and it pissed him off.

"A-Adam," his boyfriend wailed, but he didn't even hear. All he could think about was rummaging around in his knife drawer, searching for a shiny thick one. One that would cause so much harm, he wouldn't be able to be patched up.

"FUCK!" Adam yelled before slightly cutting into his wrist and groaning as he slid it across his wrist.

"ADAM LAMBERT. STOP IT!" Tommy yelled, slapping the knife out of Adam's hand and hissing when it slightly sliced the palm of his own hand. This. Infuriated. Adam.

"YOU THINK YOU CAN JUST COME INTO MY LIFE AND CHANGE EVERYTHING, TOMMY? I'M NOT WHO I USE TO BE AND I NEVER WILL. I TOLD YOU TO FUCKING LEAVE AND YOU DIDN'T. I CAN'T DO THIS!"

Glitters mewed in fear, but knew that her favored parent was about to get hurt. She quickly came in between them, but that didn't stop Adam. He was pissed. His lack of heroine was taking a toll on his body and he needed to feel alive.

The signer growled, kicking the small kitten to the side. The black feline whined and hissed, lying on the ground in fear and pain. Tommy gasped and looked in agony at his boyfriend. He didn't know what was happening. Only a day ago they made love and he thought everything was going to get better. He thought that-

But everything came to a halt when Adam grabbed Tommy's hair and yanked on it, slamming him against the wall. "A-All I wanted was for you to c-come back to me! It's because of YOU Tommy that I'm like this! I just n-need you to make me happy, but it's not going to happen! It's all your fault!" Adam yelled, throwing his hand back and striking Tommy across the face. Hard. Hard enough that his own hand throbbed. "FUCK. I TOLD YOU TO LEAVE!" Adam cried, dropping Tommy from his grasp and sobbing. "I-I'm s-so sorry, baby!" Adam wailed, getting up and running into his bedroom where he slammed the door shut.

Fuck. He didn't deserve to live anymore.


	18. Chapter 18

Tommy stood frozen against the cold wall, his cheek throbbing from the blood surfacing just beneath his pale flesh from the violent strike from his boyfriend.

What just happened? Tommy thought to himself...he couldn't move, he had to force himself to blink, to even breathe. Not was it until he heard Glitters whining in pain did he snap out of the trance he was in.

Tommy stumbled over to where Adam had kicked the baby kitten and crouched beside her, scooping the ball of fur into his arms and cradling her against his heaving chest, Tommy checked to see if she was physically hurt in any way. He ran his hand down her tiny body to see if she would react but she only licked the blonde's slender hand and looked up him adoringly with her big blue eyes. Those eye were the undoing of him...he loved the baby kitty so much, and she could tell. Kissing the top of Glitters head, Tommy brought her over to the couch and set her down gently.

"Stay here while I try and get through to your daddy...he didn't mean to hurt you...I'm sure of it..." Tommy speaks to Glitters and kisses her head before walking over to the closed bedroom door across the way.

Taking a deep breath, Tommy places his shaking hand on the doorknob and turns it slowly...sighing; he walks into the room and doesn't see Adam anywhere. Placing his whole body in the room, the blonde looks around quizzically. It wasn't until he noticed the bathroom door wide opened and heard Adam cursing and knocking things over did he dare move anywhere.

"A-Adam..? What are y-you doing?" stutters Tommy who was walking tentatively close to the bathroom doorway. Adam pays no attention to the smaller man watching him...his eyes are glazed over and if he were an animal he would be foaming at the mouth by now.

"Where are they?" growls the brunette. His voice so low and hoarse it sends chills down Tommy's spine.

"W-where are w-what, baby?" mumbles Tommy. He knows what Adam is looking for. But he won't find anything.

When Tommy cleaned the house and the bathroom, Tommy found Adams secret stash of razors and needles and heroine and lighters and just everything a suicidal drug addict would need to survive...so Tommy demolished it all. He shattered everything. Put it all in a bag and took it to the city dump. He'd be dammed if he were to let his baby continue harming himself.

"My shit! What did you do with it you little bitch?" spat Adam rising from his knees to his feet and grabbing Tommy by the throat and slamming him against the door frame. Tommy chokes trying to take a breath but Adams strong hand is blocking his airway.

"A-Adam…" croaks Tommy, tears pooling in his brown eyes. Why is Adam acting this way? He said he loved Tommy...would you treat the person you loved this way? Tommy looks Adam dead in the eyes...he sees rage and murder and blood swimming around in those glassy orbs...but Tommy also sees fear...and hurt...and this causes the tears Tommy was holding back to fall down his cheeks. The salty water stinging Tommy's swollen and cut cheek. When Adam slapped him, one of his rings sliced Tommy's cheek, leaving a generous gash behind.

Adam looks into the blondes glowing, crying, loving eyes and he falls apart. "Oh God...what have I done..?" Adam releases Tommy and Tommy gasps for air and rubs his sore neck. Adam backs away from the smaller man and goes to sit on the edge of his bed.

Tommy makes his way to where his boyfriend is now sitting and stands before him.

"Go away, Tommy. Please...I don't want to hurt you again…" whimpers Adam looking down at his feet.

"Listen to me, Adam…" Tommy crouches in front of him and placing his hand on Adams chin, forcing Adam to look at him. "I love you. More than anything on this forsaken earth. I'll be dead before I ever leave you! Do you understand this?"

Adam looks into the eyes of his lover and bites his lip... "But why..? I'm trash. A waist of space. A suicidal heroine addict..." Adam chokes back tears..."I'm no good for you. You can do some much-"

The quiet room is disturbed by the sound of skin against skin. Adam looks at Tommy stunned...cradling his cheek in his hand...feeling the warmth of Tommy's hand making contact with his face...

"SNAP THE FUCK OUT OF IT!" yells Tommy, he was getting tired of Adams little pity parties. If there's anything on this world that annoys him to no end it's when people feel sorry for themselves. You have the power to change your life, so stop being pitiful and do something about it!

Tommy was standing now, looking at the shocked singer sitting on the bed. His breathing heavy and his hand stinging. He didn't want to slap Adam...okay, maybe a small part of him did...but he just couldn't hold back any longer. He sees the expression go from shocked...to hurt...to raging in a matter of seconds. This was not what Tommy anticipated...so needless to say he was terrified of the result of his actions at this point.

"A-Adam...look...I didn't-" Tommy's apology was cut off with his body being tackled to the ground with a rather loud thud.

"YOU SLIMY LITTLE BASTARD! HOW DARE YOU EVEN TOUCH ME?" Adam screams, pinning Tommy down-his hands around Tommy's small neck. He sees the blonde's small face turn purple and Adam squeezes tighter. He didn't know what came over him, only that if he couldn't inflict pain upon himself he would do it to someone else.

"A-Adam. Y-y-youre c-choking-"

Adam releases the suffering Tommy before he could finish his plea , but before the bassist could make any sudden movements he is thrown onto the bed by his collar with his arms pinned above his head. "B-baby, what a-are you doing?"

Adam is growling like a rabid animal. His fingers flexing against Tommy's flushed skin. Chest heaving up and down in shallow breaths. Tommy was scared...no that was an understatement. Tommy was fucking terrified! He didn't know what was going to happen to him. His mind was frazzled with so many things taking place in such a short period of time.

One minute Adam is holding his hand and telling him how much he loves Tommy, and the next he is slammed up against the walk with a gash in his cheek and Adams hand wrapped around his neck. Tommy has never been so scared in his life...maybe once before...but that's another story...

"Your gonna regret the day you ever crossed me, TommyJoe Ratliff," howls the brunette, murder in his eyes and hate in his voice.


	19. Chapter 19

Adam didn't know why in the shit Tommy should regret ever crossing him. He loved Tommy. More than himself. H-He would kill himself before ever harming his boyfriend. The singer wanted to be with his baby forever and ever, until time stopped. To protect him from harms way, whisper sweetness into his ear, care and love for him until they both died of old age. But look at him now…Look what he's done. Adam knew that he had become a monster within himself. He knew that he was over with. Done. However, even with all these terrible scenarios and thoughts processing through his mind, it didn't stop the demon within.

"A-Adam, I'm so sorry, baby!" Tommy whimpered, shutting his eyes and a fresh batch of tears streaking down his face. Adam growled, releasing Tommy from his grasp and gasping, trying to get himself together. H-He just needed to hurt HIMSELF. Perhaps, he thought, that if he went back to his old way, Tommy won't be in danger anymore.

He growled, digging his nails into the sensitive and damaged flesh of his wrist, relishing the feeling of the blood that leaked through the gashes he was creating. But that wasn't enough. He kept clawing at it, trying to make it bleed more. Bleed so much, he'll pass the fuck out! He wanted to start a motherfucking riot!

"Adam! STOP! P-Please!" Tommy begged, gripping Adam's non-damaged wrist and pulling it away. Tommy always got in the way.

"Y-You took everything away from me T-Tommy…Why couldn't you just let me KILL myself? I c-can't do anything anymore! And its a-all your fucking FAULT!" Adam hissed, his eye twitching as he straightened up, glaring and towering over his smaller boyfriend. "I'm gonna have to make you feel the same fucking pain I'm feeling, then maybe, you'll just leave me ALONE and let me go back to normal!" Adam hissed, grabbing the back of Tommy's shirt and tossing him on the bed like a ragdoll. "I'm gonna fuck you so hard, you'll be bleeding from your motherfucking MOUTH," Adam hissed, straddling Tommy and pinning his arms above his head.

"A-Adam…P-Please, you're hurting m-me, Babyboy…" he whimpered, and gasped when the singer began to unzip his pants. "N-No, Adam, STOP! P-P-Please!" he began crying; knowing what was in store for him. Pain. Regret. Betrayal. He didn't know what he was doing. He couldn't stay with Adam anymore. It…It was too difficult. He loved Adam, he really did, but only one person can handle so much abuse. His cheek stung like a bitch, and…Now he was going to get RAPED by his boyfriend. Fuck, WHY?

"Fucking SHUT UP!" Adam commanded, grabbing Tommy's hair and yanking his head back as his other hand worked professionally to pull down the blonds' pants and rip off his boxers. "No fucking fingering shit, I want you to be TIGHT. When was the last time someone screwed your pretty ass?" Adam asked, his eyes clouded over with lust and complete hurt.

He didn't know what was happening to him. He loved Tommy, so much. But this wasn't him. He just…needed to feel something more, and that's what the drugs did, but then Tommy took away his fucking drugs, so now, he has nothing. And he was in control of this situation. He could predict the outcome. With the heroine, he never knew what was going to happen. Was he going to die? Would he live to see another day? To wait for his Glitterbaby? But now that he did have his lover, what was left?

"G-God, Adam! I don't remember! S-Stop!" Tommy begged, shivering and trying to get out of the singer's strong grasp, but it was impossible; he was too strong.

"Good. Then this will hurt a lot fucking more," Adam hissed, releasing Tommy hair and quickly pulling down his pants and boxers, just enough for his cock to breath some air. He grunted as he lifted up Tommy's legs and slowly began to penetrate his boyfriend.

No lube. No fingering. No condom.

Just pain.

Tommy screamed, gripping the sheets, having the tears flow freely down his cheeks as he gasped for air as Adam's large dick kept going deeper and deeper inside him. The burning sensation was over taking his body, and unlike in most situations, it wasn't going away. It was staying with him, and it wasn't going to go away. Adam was hurting him. He didn't know what was happening.

"O-Ow! ADAM! IT HURTS SO MUCH!" Tommy blubbered pathetically, panting and trying to see through the tears and pain. But he couldn't it. It was unlike anything he'd ever felt before.

"Yes…" Adam hissed, rocking in and out of Tommy, the raw friction of dry skin rubbing was making his mind fucking blow. But the tears kept flowing down his boyfriend's cheeks and the whimpers falling from his mouth…The blood staining the blankets, and the fear in Tommy's eyes all made Adam realize something.

He was insane.

"OH FUCK! I-I can't d-do this!" Adam screamed, releasing Tommy and pulling out of him. "I-I…I can't handle this shit! I fucking tried! I tried so h-hard and I'm just not going to be able t-to handle this! T-Tommy…" he whimpered, pulling his pants up. "T-Tommy, I'm a fucking loss cause…I…" His eyes wandered up and down his boyfriend, causing him to shudder. "I should just have fucking killed myself when I had a chance!" Adam screamed, turning his heel and running into the bathroom.

Tommy stared up at the ceiling, his eyes wide and the tears flowing down his cheeks. What had happened? Did he REALLY just get raped by his one true love? Did his lover just contemplate suicide? Yes, he did. And here he was laying on a bed, the blood leaking from him…The reminiscence of his boyfriend's rape looming in the air. WHAT. THE. FUCK. HAPPENED?

Tommy continued to cry as he reached over to the bedside table and grabbed his phone, fiddling with the numbers until he finally managed to dial Montes'.

"Hello?"

"M-Monte…C-Can you come o-over to Adam's p-place? This is T-Tommy…" the blond stuttered terribly, fear and misery coating his once boyish voice.

"Shit, Tommy. What's wrong?" Monte asked, his eyes widening from the sound of his boss' boyfriend's voice.

"P-Please just come over here…" he whispered. Monte agreed and they hung up. Tommy then dialed the phone number of the nurse. She gave him her home phone number just incase. She answered and Tommy told her that Adam was getting out of hand. And she said she was coming over too.

Tommy sat up and began sobbing at the pain that shot up from his ass to his back. "A-Adam…" he moaned, pulling up his boxers and pants. He stumbled over to the bathroom door and leaned against it, sliding down clawing at the door. "O-Oh, god baby…" Tommy whispered, the tears wouldn't stop coming.

Tommy didn't want to say. Tommy wanted to run away. He wanted to hurt Adam back as badly as he had hurt him. To make him feel the pain he was currently experiencing. But the words leaked out anyway.

"I love you."


	20. Chapter 20

There was a knock at the door, causing the blond to open his eyes from his short and unproductive nap. He was exhausted. This past week has been the most rollercoaster feeling duration of time he's ever experience, and his body was screaming at him to get some rest, but he knew he wouldn't be able to sleep peacefully for a while knowing his baby was in pain…But he was hurting too. Why wasn't Adam trying to comfort him in his time of need? Mentally, the bassist shook his head. This wasn't his time of need, he was just hurting because his Babyboy was hurting and he hated seeing that. It wasn't anyone's fault except for his because he left Adam for such a long period of time. And a soft smile crossed his lips, even at this horrific hour. It was bad. Adam was killing himself because he wasn't able to see him…Does that mean he really loves him no matter what? Sure, Adam may have done so much shit to him—remembering his caused a shiver to tremble down his spine—but it was kind of his fault for not trying harder to stay with the love of his life. Was he the cause of all this? Did he deserve all this shit that came his way?

Tommy slid up the doorframe, groaning loudly at the pain that shot up his spine, and he hissed, gripping onto the knob for support and leaning his ear against the door, listening to anything. But there was only silence and this worried the blond. Adam was so fucking irrational at this point; he could slit his wrist with a fucking toothbrush. He didn't want to break down this door only to see Adam hung himself because he was beating himself up. God, if Adam were to die, he wasn't sure what he would do. But there wasn't anything in the bathroom that could potentially harm him! He remembered cleaning the laboratory, and he got rid of all the needles and razors. So he didn't have to worry about a lot, right? Still, he needed to hear Adam's soft, angelic voice…

"A-Adam…? Baby, please answer me," Tommy begged, and there was only a chocked sob in response. Tommy's thrashing heart rested a bit. At least he wasn't dead. Tommy nodded, biting his bottom lip and standing up straight, gasping and walking forward, growling at the agony his body was in, but he pushed past electrical sparks in his body and he stumbled down the hall to the source of the knocking. Okay, he has to act normal and try not to act like he's in the most pain he's ever been in his life. He just needs to get past this and be strong for Adam because he loved him more than anything in the entire world—even now, after all he had done. The bassist gulped, opening the door and seeing Monte who looked really worried. His eyes were creased with concern and the blond let out a sigh of relief; at least he wasn't alone anymore.

"Tommy, what the fuck is going on?" he asked, walking into the house and glancing around. He looked back at the exhausted blond and a deep frowned tugged on his lips. To him, Tommy looked like he had been fighting off the zombie apocalypse. There was come blood on his shirt (which the blond didn't even notice) and his clothes were mangled. The once smooth and bright blond fringe was scattered and into a dull yellow. And his dazzling brown eyes were rimmed with misery and pain. He looked like a fucking zombie himself.

"W-Well…" he sighed, running his fingers through his blond fringe unsure of what he was going to say, "Ya see…Adam's kind of…unstable…" That was the best he could come up with! Adam was indeed unstable, but probably a lot more. He was just a fucking mess and Tommy was completely unaware of the fact that Adam was so much more than the simple word "unstable" more like psychotic.

_Understatement of the fucking year._

"Well, duh. Adam's a wild card, we all knew—" Monte began but was interrupted by an angered blond.

"NOT FUCKING, LIKE THAT MONTE!" Tommy screamed, tears rising into his eyes. He didn't mean to snap, but he couldn't believe all this shit…How could Adam _rape _and _abuse _him? Weren't they lovers? Or, at least they use to be lovers, but then this monster consumed his soul, creating Satan…And Tommy thought Satan was pretty cool, but not the one taking his Babyboy…And that Satan had hurt him and kicked a fucking kitten! He's a bipolar bitch and Tommy couldn't take it anymore! What more was he supposed to do? He's not sure anymore, he's just…Will Adam ever be fixed or is he doomed for the rest of eternity? Will Tommy have to leave him because he's in danger of getting more hurt and raped constantly? He didn't want to think that he would have to leave his Babyboy for safety reasons! This isn't what he signed up for when he auditioned to be in Adam's band. He was hoping for something so much more normal…

"Geeze, Tommy, okay…" Monte murmured, placing a supportive hand on his shoulder. Obviously, the bassist had been through a lot more then what Monte first anticipated, so he should hear him out and see what he can do to help him out. "What exactly transpired between you and Adam?" he asked, and Tommy's heart thrashed in his chest. If he were to tell Monte, would the guitarist send Adam to jail? Or worse, an insane asylum? No, they've been friends for a long time, so he wouldn't want anything bad to happen to the singer either. But, for some reason, he felt that him telling Monte wouldn't be as powerful as the source of the problem telling him, himself.

"I think Adam should tell you…," he mumbled, feeling resentful towards the singer. How could he not? However, no matter what happens, he will always love him and Tommy wasn't sure if that was a good or bad thing at this point.

Monte nodded, "Alright, where is he?"

"Um…He locked himself in the bathroom," Tommy said, sighing and pinching the bridge of his nose at how stupid that sounded. Monte raised an eyebrow and the blond shrugged, walking down the hall and entering his bedroom, walking up to the door and knocking. "Adam, Monte's here. Get out of the bathroom," Tommy ordered. He was sick of playing games. Remember how he said he hated people feeling sorry for themselves? The bassist still doesn't regret telling that to Adam even in the end he ended up being raped by it. He heard something that sounded like a whimper and some shuffling. There was a click and the door open to reveal Adam with red eyes and a tired expression. He quickly glanced at Tommy and bit his bottom lip, looking to the side.

"Adam…" Monte said, placing a firm hand on his shoulder. "What happened, man?" he asked and the singer burst into tears, shaking as the guitarist wrapped him in his arms and held him while he sobbed into his shoulder. He wasn't entirely sure what was going on, but obviously Adam had been through something and he needed to get help for it according to Tommy.

After a couple of minutes, Monte set Adam on the bed while Tommy exited the bedroom to go answer the door when the nurse knocked. To be honest, the blond didn't really want to sit there for Adam's pity story; he was getting rather tired of just listening to him stab himself in the heart. Fuck, he hated it so much that he wanted to punch a cat—speaking of cat, he needed to go find Glitters.

Monte crossed his arms, taking in a deep breath and looking at Adam intently. "So, Adam…Tommy called me up and said you were in a bit of predicament. He thought it would be best if you told me yourself…," he murmured and the brunet bit his bottom lip, nodding.

"I…" he took in a deep breath, "Monte, I've been on drugs, heroine, for about a year now, and I've been drinking and doing everything wrong! I cut myself because I just couldn't fucking take it anymore, and then…then…I got angry a-at Tommy because h-he took everything away from me…And…And…" his shoulders began to shake and he gulped, the realization of all the shit he put Tommy through flooding into his mind, "I fucking _raped _him! I just got so angry, and I don't know what happened! I wanted him to hurt like he'd hurt me, but he wasn't the one hurting me, I hurt _him_! I've hurt him worse than…Than I ever could have, and I know he's never going to want to be with me after this," Adam choked out, looking at the ground through a blurry vision of tears encasing his eyes. Tommy would never want him after this. They would never have sex, kiss, or love each other and it was all his fault!

Monte was silent, letting all the truthful words Adam spoke seep into his mind. How could he not have noticed that his best friend was this messed up? The cutting, drugs, drinking, and potential _rape_. Was he just that clueless or was Adam just that sneaky? He knew he saw Adam come into sound-check sometimes with heavy bags and a tired expression, but he thought that it was just the rock star life…

There was a silent knock at the door and Adam froze, glancing up at Tommy and the familiar nurse who held Glitters—oh, shit…Didn't he…_kick _the kitten? Fuck…Fuck…FUCK. He would never harm a kitten, but here he was, looking at the small feline and she was curled up in a shaking ball when they entered the room. He knew he would never gain the kitten's trust back…But what about Tommy's trust?

"Adam, hi," the female said with a soft smile. She got down on one knee in front of the singer who was sitting on the edge of the bed. "Tommy told me that you're not getting any better…I think it's time you go to rehab since you can't handle this by yourself…" she murmured and rage boiled in the pit of the singer's stomach. He couldn't handle this by himself? What was he? Some fucking pussy they could just push around like that—

Adam, you _raped _the only person you'll ever love until time stops. You kicked a fucking kitten and you have the undying desire to cut your wrists and inject that poison into your blood stream. Do you really think you can handle all this shit on your own?

In addition, that was the moment he realized that he couldn't. These viruses had taken over his life and if he didn't stop now he would kill himself…Or worse, lose the love of his life that he never wanted to let go. However, there was the nagging feeling in his stomach that told him Tommy was already going to leave, so he should just let himself die.

"Adam?" the boyish voice broke the singer from his rant and he glanced up at a pair of hurt chocolate brown eyes. He whimpered, looking to the side. Tommy, who had been surprisingly quiet through the talks walked up to his boyfriend and turned his face, forcing their eyes to meet. "You need help…" he whispered, leaning his forehead against his and breathing softly. "Please? For me…? Get help, Babyboy…," he whimpered, kissing him lightly on the lips.

Adam's heart thrashed in his chest and he wanted nothing more than for kiss Tommy so much more, but he knew he couldn't ask for that. Not after all he had done to the small man.

"O-Okay….I'll go to rehab for you, Tommy…"


End file.
